Monday, March 29, 2010

day 50 - 33 days to go... Well that's just "souper"... or is it?

Fifty freakin' days into training!  Can you believe how far we've come!?  Yay!!

So, since you guys who follow this blog are my closest friends and are probably on my facebook page and e-mail list - you probably all know about my good news:  That's right.  According to the good people at Progresso Soup & General Mills, I am SOUPER!  LOL

Somehow out of thousands of entrants I had the good fortune to place in the top ten of the Progresso "Souper" new you contest.  Only the top 3 win -- So please vote once a day, everyday until April 12th.  You can vote for me here:


I wrote a short blurb about my weight loss and marathon training and voila, here I am.  If I never signed up for the marathon, It probably would not have happened.  It's really so exciting! 




I was walking around on cloud nine and then my bubble bursted.  I was reminded there's always going to be the "haters."  I almost didn't post this because this is a bit embarrassing but there's something to be learned here.

There will always be people threatened by your good moments.  I remember when I quit smoking, I got a few half assed "you'll be back" type responses and even when I lose weight, some people act less than thrilled for you but never did I expect the response I got on my weight watcher website.

I have been a long-time member of Weight Watchers.  I love the program, my meeting, so much about it works for me.  I faithfully pay my dues and I contribute to the on-line community.  I decided to do a little campaigning for the soup contest because certainly, my weight watcher peers would be excited and supportive... no?   Well some of them.

Many were kind, excited and voting for me but there were a few who were down right mean.  It was stunning, upsetting and strange.

"Why would I vote for, you?"  "Stick to your 'home' board" (whatever that means?)  "This kind of  thing is just annoying, now I'm going to vote for Amanda everyday just out of spite."  

Huh?  And there was a bunch of other BS that I just stopped reading because it started to (annoyingly -- there's that f'ing sensitivity thing again.) really hurt my feelings.  It got me really bummed out.  I mean, over the course of my Weight Watching, I had posted over 2000 messages there.  Recipes, support, feedback, challenges - you name it.  I felt part of that community and to have these "cliquey" and catty responses was just strange.  But there they were, the haters - and they were even worse because it was done under the cloak of internet anonymity.  There's a million threads and posts.  I mean, if you didn't want to vote, you could ignore the thread but these women went out of there way to find ways to tear me down.

And the embarrassing part is - I let it upset me.  More than I'd care to admit.  Not sure what my problem is but I need to figure out why I get hurt (by complete strangers, no less!) so much.  I'm better, I've shaken it off, but still - that's something to work out in therapy someday, I guess.

I can only assume it's as my mother says, there are people who can't be happy for someone else because they aren't happy with themselves.  Whether it be their own depression, disappointment, jealousy or insecurity - when some people hear good news about someone else or someone else is doing something positive, they have to undercut it.

So I did what I do.  Second guessed myself for being "so bold" to actually want people to vote for me.  Second guessed myself for letting me feel a little proud.  Second guessed whether I even deserved to be in the top ten of that contest... and then I stopped. I reminded myself that I'm a runner now.  I'm proving that I deserve good things because I'm a good person who works hard and tries to do the right thing.  

A friend posted on her Facebook page last week, "I will not dim my star for anybody."  And you know what - she's right.  None of us should "dim our stars."  I've dimmed mine my whole freakin' life in an effort to "hope" people would like me.  "ef" it.  no matter what you do, not everybody is going to like you.  The people who love you, love you for the good, the bad and the ugly.  They jump up and down when your star's shining bright and bask in it's glow and if you're a good friend to them, you support them and bask in their glow!  All of that star power makes for a cozy, supportive, warm and nurturing relationship.


- And the haters - they don't matter anyway.  They don't even like themselves, burned out little stars, looking to steal your light.  They can't have it from me anymore.  Even if it takes me a little while to keep it bright, I'm not dimming for no one.


XO
Jen


Sorry for such a long post!
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