Saturday, March 6, 2010

day 27 - 56 days to go! Mean girls.

"Muscle weighs more than fat."

"You might be retaining water because of all the extra exercise."

"Maybe you're not eating enough."

"Maybe you're eating too much."

Well, maybe it just sucks.  

I'm sorry.  I try not to let it get to me.  I try to keep perspective on this sort of thing.  I do feel healthy and strong.  My endurance is building and just last night I was doing the "Happy Dance."  (with a bottle of water by the way because even my martini celebration has been cut to one cocktail a week - and that comes on Saturday night.  And all I can say is thank God tonight is Saturday night!

All the above statements probably have legitimacy but it's still frustrating.  And though I love my Weight Watcher meeting and though I may be totally projecting here, it's still highly irritating to get the "look" from the weight watcher weigher.  The "yikes, you're up but it'll be OK, honey - hang in there" look.   The look of - "certainly you could do better."  

And that's probably what gets me the most annoyed.  No, I can't do better.  I'm eating healthy, following program (while also making sure to eat the right Pre/post run foods...) I've cut out almost all alcohol - my treats are no longer chocolate but fat free yogurt with a tsp. of preserves.  I'm on a treadmill and RUNNING... and when I'm not running, I am cross training (or shopping for new running gear!) so, no, I can't see myself do much better... and exhale.

Ah.  I feel better now.

When you struggle with weight your whole life you're always battling the little disabling and evil voice that tells you, "you're not good enough."  "Who are you kidding?"  "What?  YOU run a marathon?"  And a setback on the scale wakes that voice up -- It's like I have my own set of "mean girls" that live with me and just follow me around, trying to put me down and make me feel bad.  The mean girls in my head are far meaner than any mean girl I've ever met in person!

But, the good news is, the marathon training, this blog, journaling and my overall weight loss journey has awoken another set of voices in my head... (Jeeze with all these voices in my head - it's a surprise I haven't lost my mind all together!  but I digress..) The new voices in my head says, "You can do anything!"  "Those mean girls are toxic!  Ignore them or kick their asses but don't believe them!"  "You are strong, healthy and your son think's you're beautiful just the way you are and especially when you are happy and healthy!"  

So there's the battle.  I believe in happy endings... So clearly, the mean girls will lose in the end.


PS:  Rest day today -- after running so much yesterday I'm taking it easy today.  I'm bringing my son for a nice, long leisurely walk to enjoy the day.

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