Ah. Today I ran for thirty minutes. Not far (only about 2.5 miles) and not super fast (about 4.6 mph) but it was enough to get my heart rate up, endorphins pumping and my mood better. It was nice and cool in the dirty Jerz - perfect running weather.
I've been a little overwhelmed this week (new blogging gig - I go live next week + packing for move) and a little unmotivated to push myself to the extreme right now, so I'm dealing with looking for balance. For being comfortable in the "grey" area.
I'm great at black and white. All or nothing. Good or bad. In school I either got an A or an F - few times would I get anything in between and I must admit, I must fight the urge to do that now.
In the past I would either be 100% on a diet or off. It was lettuce and carrots or bacon cheeseburgers and milkshakes. Now I'm learning compromise. Like a lean hamburger and a half a slice of low fat cheese with a little baked sweet potato fry can be figure friendly and doable. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
I've been working at balancing my diet for a long time now, so I'm actually proud of my progress as far as not having that all or nothing mentality so much any more.
But I don't want it to be over. I am battling the black and white. Running from the all or nothing mentality that always wants to plague me. And dammit those smaller runs still mean something to me. At one time, those smaller runs would've been a pretty huge run for me. To run for thirty minutes straight is something I would've never dreamt I could do.
Today, I made the decision that a smaller run is better than no run. I lived in the grey and it felt pretty good.