Thursday, May 27, 2010

Day 23 - 122 days to go - on the mend

I'm on the mend physically and emotionally.

I haven't been in a good place lately.  The toe thing really undid me.  It wasn't just the physical pain.  Yes it hurt like hell but emotionally it threw me for an unexpected loop.

As you know, there's been a lot of changes for me lately.  While I try to remain upbeat and positive, there are some things that have been tough.  A move from a house to an apartment, a new writing job that requires focus, a company that I'm still committed to making work, the continued struggle to lose weight and keep the running momentum going.

The toe stopped me in my tracks.  The last few days have been harrowing because the doc wrapped it tightly in gauze which promptly adhered to my raw toe.  I soaked it for two days straight and this gauze wouldn't budge from the sore, tender skin.  It was painful and I felt so helpless.  I'm in Los Angeles this week for meetings and I am all sorts of out of sorts.  Tears have been flowing and I've just have felt yucky.  I've been eating too much crap, limping with the dumb injury and have had zero running.

I just couldn't figure out why all the crying.  Sure it hurt but I'm pretty tough.  I'm not a crier over pain, usually.  I pop an advil and deal but this was getting to me in a big, big way and I've felt emotionally fragile all week - it's not been pretty for my poor friends to have to deal with (Thank you Angela!)

I finally got it.  I think.  One, the toe has laid me out.  I'm metaphorically and literally feeling out of control.  I am limited and out of my element - so the stress of it all is magnified times a million for me emotionally, through this physical thing.

Two, I've become very used to literally running away from my problems.  Bad day?  Run it out.  Not only can't I deal with the emotional issues I'm having right now by running but to make matters worse, I'm not getting my adreneline pumping, I'm not getting flooded with those happy endorphins AND I'm comfort eating and feeling crappy about that.  It's really a perfect storm of yuck for someone like me.

I had to finally go to the ER to get the friggen guaze removed.  The doc there fixed me up and the toe and I are on a road to recovery.  I'll be on the run again soon.



Abbey said...

You haven't been hard to deal with. I just hated to see you so distraught. I'm glad you're feeling better. Sorry I've been taking you out to eat and drink bad stuff. I think I'm mourning not having a running buddy this week. :-(

Jen said...

Oh yeah, Ang -- you're forcing it down my throat - LOL... I think I could figure out how to order something other than a bacon and cheese laden salad to order if I wanted to. I'm kind of enjoying a little hiatus from counting points and being so strict. I'll get my groove back. ;)

I'm feeling better - thanks for everything! xo