You're Fat, It's Hopeless and Other Mean Things I've Told Myself

I know it's been a while since I've posted. 

It's not that I haven't wanted to update you but I've been feeling a little (OK a LOT) discouraged. I haven't had any good news. I've been struggling to lose and felt embarrassed. What could I say to you when the scale is going the wrong way? 

What could I say when all I have going through my mind is "Here we go again. You can't do this. You see. You're a fraud and failing."

So here's a little recap of how things have gone so far. BTW (this is a pretty typical pattern).

WEEK ONE: Great! Yay! I lost weight. I love this program! I rock. I'm in control. This time it's different. This time I'm going to do it. I will be at goal in no time. (Cue song: "This Girl is On Fire")

WEEK TWO: WOO HOO! I lost again. See. I am unstoppable. I got this. High fives for everyone. This is so easy! (Cue song: "All I do is Win").

WEEK THREE: What? What do you mean I gained weight? But I did everything right! I'm counting all my points and even started working out again. Oh. Yeah. Maybe I need to drink more water? Sure. Maybe my soup was too salty yesterday or the exercise did something to my muscles... retaining water. Yea. Yea.  It's gonna go back down next week. I'm annoyed but not worried. I got this. (Cue Song: "I Get Knocked Down...")

WEEK FOUR: What! How the hell... I gained again? I don't know what went wrong but apparently I suck. I mean what the F*@@? I ran five times this week, said no to pizza, chose steamed green beans instead of the loaded potato and this is how the scale repays me? F*@@ it. Why am I bothering? UGH.  OK - look, get it together... just get back on track. (Cue song: "Shake it Off")

Between week three and four I had gained close to four pounds back. I mean. Seriously. What is that?

mmmmm. burritos.

Last week I went into week five... but somehow I don't really shake it off. I wanted to but then the negative voices returned. Every healthy choice I think "Why am I bothering?" Every not so healthy choice I think, "You see. This is why you're failing." Then starts the back slide... I start to not track as much. I begin to let some unhealthy choices creep in - all the while feeling defeated. I get angry and frustrated. I know that this is super undermining. I know that this is a really dumb thing to do. I know this but yet it happens to me and I have to break this cycle.

So week five. I still (half-assed) tried but also made some not-so-good choices. I almost didn't want to weigh-in. I didn't want to see week three of a gain. But I decided to go to my weigh-in. I decided to just wipe the slate clean and get back on track because what's the alternative? And this is how that went:

WEEK FIVE: I did? How's that possible? I lost a pound? But I wasn't that great this week. I ate my emotions twice. I didn't measure out or track my martini. Maybe the previous weeks of hard work caught up? Huh. Yeah, and I guess that the 75% of the time of still trying to eat right last week didn't hurt either. Um. Ok. Sure. (Cue song: "Make Me Lose My Mind")...

The unexpected pound lost this week was good'ish - I mean I fully expected to have gained at least a pound and a half back. This weight loss and the scale truly has no rhyme or reason. I guess my big lesson to learn and my greatest challenge is really getting over the scale. My husband said this morning, "Just do what you're doing. You're eating super healthy and exercising. Stay the course and throw out the scale." Maybe he's right. I don't know that I'm strong enough to throw out the scale but, no matter what, I know I have to just stay the course. 

The good news is I'm still down 6.2 pounds since recommitting.

The journey to the finish line is never a straight path. 

XO

Jen

How are things with you? 

I Am Not Freaking Out about The Freakin' Scale

The freakin' scale totally plays with my mind. I know it shouldn't but it just does.

Last week I didn't get to go to my normal Sunday morning weigh-in / meeting which I was totally bummed about - I had remained true to program and know I would've had a good weigh-in. In fact, all week I was trying to find time to go to a meeting just to weigh in. Finally, this past Friday I got to a meeting and had lost 1.7 pounds. Not too shabby! That brought my weight loss, since recommitting, to nine glorious pounds! Yay for me!

The lady who had weighed me in said, "You're doing a beautiful job. Keep it up."

I strutted out of that meeting with my head held high. Proud of my work. Nine pounds! Almost ten pounds in one month! Woo hoo!!

But not so fast.

I returned to my normally scheduled meeting this morning (just two days after the Friday weigh in). I had two more pretty solid days of tracking my points and keeping it together. I even had a return to running yesterday and knocked off 2 miles at a good pace considering it's been two months since I've really run. Now I wasn't really expecting much of a loss in two days. Maybe a quarter to a half a pound... Maybe I would stay the same. Maybe I would even hit the ten pounds lost milestone... Wouldn't that be something!? But what I didn't expect was a gain - and a big one at that. Somehow the scale informed me that I was up 2.2 pounds... since Friday! Sucked the wind right out of my sails.

UGH

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!????

My Weight Watcher leader thinks it could've been my return to running. My muscles retaining some water. Who knows. Instead of being down 9 pounds and close to 10 - it's now 6.8 lost. And I now have that feeling of going backward.

I know in my heart of hearts that there is no way I gained a real 2.2 pounds but then why do I still feel scale shame? Why do I still feel that sense of failure?

I mean I didn't fail this week! I worked my ass off. I skipped into that meeting room feeling good about all the good things I did last week. But that freakin' scale.

I said no to so many tempting foods and situations last week.

I killed my fitness goal of earning 72 fit points (and earned 85!). I started running again. I made homemade foods. I made many good choices when eating out and tracked every bite. I'm 100% more mindful of my decisions.

Nope - I'm not perfect. I could drink more water and less wine.

I still want to add some strength training.

But overall I was on plan and did well. I did not deserve a 2.2 pound gain.

How come the scale can just knock all of those good feelings of doing well right from your hands?

The scale is a funny thing. I mean I know on an intellectual level that it's no true testament to all the good things I'm doing for my body, my health and my well-being. I know intellectually that anything from extra sodium, to exercise to "that time of the month" can affect the scale. Yet, emotionally, it's hard to not let it be the dictator of everything. It plays with your mind and the negative thoughts can come flooding back, just like that. "Can I really do this?" "If I can't lose weight when I'm really trying, forget it. Why bother?"

I'm replacing real noodles with zucchini "zoodles"
for the love of God!

So now what? I mean all I can do is dust myself off and stay the course. All I can do is try to not freak out about the freakin' scale. All I can do is list all of my "whys" in doing this and hold onto them with both hands.

All I can do is remind myself that the scale is not a judge and jury. The number on the scale doesn't define if I'm a good or bad person and it doesn't take away all the right things I'm doing.

I am more than the number on the scale. My pants are fitting better and I'm feeling better. That counts!

What do you do when you're faced with a disappointing weigh in?

XO
Jen

Freestyling on Weight Watchers: Weighing in on Week Two

Hey there!

So last week was another week doing the Weight Watcher Freestyle program and I must say I still am really digging the program.

Here's what I did that was good:

• I meal prepped and brought my own food with me to work for breakfast and lunch - even though there's a giant spread of food there. Having my own stuff helped me to keep in control
• I aimed to walk and get in close to 10,000 steps a day and succeeded more than I didn't
• I earned the "blue dots" in the Weight Watcher App 6 out of 7 days

Here's what I didn't accomplish which I wanted to:

• Still didn't drink nearly enough water
• Used a few too many points on empty calories like alcohol
• Didn't get to the gym once - no run / no strength :( 
• I totally overate on Friday night and was mad at myself for letting myself get talked into ordering something less than healthy and eating it until I was beyond stuffed

But, even with the "not so good" moments I had another good loss. I was down 2.6 pounds! That a total of 7.2 pounds down so far! YAY! 

WooHoo! 

I was shocked. Although my clothing is fitting better and I'm feeling good overall - I was so sure that the Friday night binge and lack of getting to the gym were going to get me. I expected either a very tiny weight loss (like .2) or a slight gain. I was so not prepared to have lost 2.6 - so much so that the lady weighing me questioned why I looked so upset. I wasn't upset, I told her, "I'm just confused seeing that number because I was braced for something much higher." It took a minute for my brain to process the number especially after losing so much the week before! I never have losses like that two weeks in a row! In fact, I'm still not completely convinced that the scale is right and that the loss is legit. Which is kind of ridiculous. Why is it my default to assume that the bad moments totally outweighed the good ones? Why can't I just think, "Damn, I worked hard. I said no to a thousand fattening choices this week, made sure to get in my steps, carried my food all over and ordered steamed shrimp with broccoli when dining out instead of a calorie bomb of a dish and I guess it paid off." 

speaking of calorie bombs. Holy shit.

I don't know. But I am very happy that I've got a little momentum. 

So after the meeting I decided to do some meal prep. 

I made a bowl of hardboiled eggs. And then I attempted these 3 point bagels from Skinnytaste which are all the rage right now. 

I was super dubious. I made the GF version (so they are 4 points). And the dough was sticky and icky and I wasn't sure how they would turn out. 

Uh. I don't know about this.

They looked much better out of the oven!

And guess what? They are pretty tasty too. I had a half of one for breakfast (for 2 pts.) and I enjoyed it. 

I also whipped up my spinach pie. I took the original recipe for it and added another egg and a half a cup of plain, fat free Greek yogurt. The extra egg and yogurt really made it even better. 

So tasty

Then I decided to make soup. I remembered this 13 bean blend that my friend Angela used to make a soup with and figured it would make a great 0 point soup. So I got it. 

I soaked the beans overnight. In the morning I removed 3 cups of beans (it makes a shit load of beans) and put them in the fridge to do something else with. 

I put the rest of the beans into my crockpot. I added a chopped onion, 4 chopped garlic cloves, a 15 oz. can of basil, garlic and onion diced tomatoes, two boulion cubes, 2 bay leaves a little pepper and a dash of salt. Filled the crock pot almost to the top with water and put it on low for the day. 

OMG - it's YUMMY. So flavorful, hearty and comforting. It's a winner. Even my husband who's not particularly trying to lose weight loves it.  

It's really yummy

Please don't ask me how many servings it is - Just know it's a lot and I will be having this soup all week.  :)

Thanks for following my journey. How was your week? 

XO

Jen 

Weighing In - Week One

I felt really good going into this week's weigh-in. I feel like I did a lot of things right. I made it to the gym 3 times where I at least ran/walked for no less than 30 minutes. (Surpassed my Weight Watcher goal of 72 FitPoints and actually earned 80!)

THE GOOD: I was very mindful of what I ate and tracked every day. I managed to earn the "within healthy point range" for 6 days in a row. 

TY WW app. I am proud :) 

THE BAD: I didn't drink enough water and I didn't get in any strength training which I'd like to try to work on.  I also drank alcohol (using my points!) almost every day. I should cut back on that but for better or worse I enjoy my nightly cocktail. 

I also did all of that even though between the holiday, working all week and a snow day, my routine was completely off.

So week one is in the books and the good news? I lost 3.8 pounds! Yay! This brings me 176.4 :)  I never thought I'd put a smiley face next to 176.4 but progress is progress and I'll take the victories as they come. 

Over the hill! 

My first goal is to get to 165 which is my Weight Watcher's goal (At this weight my doctor has determined that I'm healthy). At 165 I reach "lifetime" status again and don't have to pay for meetings as long as I stay at that weight or below. Plus most of my clothes fit (or fit better) at that weight.

My second goal is to get to and maintain between 150 -155.  

But my ultimate goal is to really just live healthfully and happily. If that's at 155 or 158 or 160 - so be it. I don't have to be skinny. I don't want to obsess over the number once I'm in the healthy range for me. I want to enjoy good whole foods, I want to work out hard, I want to be able to run the Chicago Marathon in October strong. I want to be fit. My goal is not to have the smallest ass or boast a size 2 label. My goal is to be happy, healthy and comfortable in my own skin.

I am not paid to endorse Weight Watchers. I do sing their praises because it's worked for me in the past and will work for me again. With that said, I have to say once again, I LOVE the new program. It's just so great knowing that I can EAT if I'm hungry. And I have. This is not a diet. It's a lifestyle that is doable encouraging healthy whole foods. I love that I can make my split pea soup or have a bowl of (lean) turkey chili or just grab a hard-boiled egg to take the edge off being hungry without having to burn any points. 

How was your first week of 2018?

XO

Jen 

We Had it All: My Favorite Ragnar Moment

The best part of doing a Ragnar Relay Race is the incredible life-long connection to someone you can experience simply by sharing a van and a race with them.

From Fat to Finish Line Van 2 - We're missing John on this for some reason

I've done three Ragnars and three times I've been blessed with walking away from the races feeling bonded for life to the people I shared a van with. 

There's just something about the cheering, supporting, running and the sleep deprivation that brings people closer together.

One of my very, very favorite memories ever was from Ragnar Miami - Key West FL. This was the Ragnar featured in the From Fat to Finish Line movie. Some of what didn't make it to the movie was our middle of the night shenanigans. We were all a little slap happy as we made our way to the next major exchange - where I would get the baton from Rik (Van 1) to kick off our van's legs. On the way to that exchange, we laughed, joked, hit up a Wendy's for ketchup and salt packets (don't ask) and sang songs. 

This was before my 2nd leg run and before the night took a bit of a dramatic turn.

Anyway, before there was carpool karaoke, there was us, team From Fat to Finish Line Van 2 passing the "Welcome to Key Largo" sign and cruising down the highway. We couldn't resist. And I'm not sure how or why this happened exactly but before we knew it, John Hulsey (AKA Captain Awesome - and one of the greatest guy you could have in your van) had pulled up the lyrics and music to this song: 

And we belted this out. It was so fricken fun! We were silly and just joyously sang. I recorded it on my phone and up until now it was just Van two's secret little video / song. Every time any of us hear the song, we smile and are reminded of this moment. Up until now - no one but van 2 has ever seen this video but now, I share with you, the Van 2 singers! 

Hope you enjoy! 

XO

Jen 

Ragnar Miami Our From Fat to Finish Line Five Year Anniversary

Five years ago I boarded a plane and flew to Miami Florida to run my very first Ragnar with 11 other very special people. It was the original From Fat to Finish Line team and none of us knew what to expect.

The group of us, about 1200 collective pounds lighter than we had once been was not only embarking upon a 200 mile Ragnar Relay Race but we were also being documented and filmed along the way.

Director Angela Lee and I filming at the start

As a producer, I expected to be more the one telling the story than someone being a part of the story. If you've seen the film, you know that wasn't the case.

That experience. All of it. The people, the run, the film, has profoundly changed my life.

It was a tough race for me. Filled with both struggle and failing but also graced with the triumph of getting up and moving forward. I was also blessed with the gift of having the love and support of my team when things were falling to shit and I was falling apart.

That experience was super significant for me and in a lot of ways really represents this whole other journey I'm on.

There are ups. There are downs. There are moments where you feel like you've got it all together and there are moments where you feel like quitting. Ultimately, though, there's only one way to the finish line. As long as you keep on moving forward - whether it's losing 100 pounds or crossing 200 miles - as long as ya keep moving, you (and I) will get to the finish line. There's just no giving up. It's OK to struggle and it's OK to have setbacks it's all apart of it.

And oh yeah. It doesn't hurt to have 11 other or 20,000 fellow teammates or tribe to help you get up when you're down.

If you haven't found our FFTFL tribe on Facebook, please join us here. We're there to help you when you're struggling and cheer you on in your successes.

If you haven't seen the documentary film - please check it out. It was such an honor to be a part of that team and film. It's on Netflix, iTunes, Amazon and DVDs can be ordered directly from our store. 

XO
Jen

Never Judge a Book by Its Cover: People Magazine and Emotionally Healing

2018 is already leaps and bounds better than 2017. I feel very good about this year ahead.

Yesterday I worked out and meal prepped so going into today, I felt strong.

And today was a good day emotionally. As we build From Fat to Finish Line (the company), we've struggled financially. I AM NOT COMPLAINING. I made the decision to dedicate myself to FFTFL because I believe in it. But sometimes it's tough. We are trying to survive on just my husband's salary and he doesn't make much. We are backed up in debt and have really had to downsize and adjust how we spend and live. Some days the financial burden causes a lot of stress and angst around the household and I'm pretty sure that stress didn't help my depression / overeating and alcohol haze of 2017.

While all of us behind the scenes believe in what we are doing 100% - we're still not generating money to pay ourselves salaries. We've all made sacrifices for this passion of ours and the people in our tribe makes it 1000% worth it. I have never, not for one minute, regretted my decision to push my chips all in and go for it. But still, in the meantime, we have to figure out a way to pay the bills.

So today I got invited to do some freelance production work for a local company and about a half an hour in, they invited me to work all week! This unexpected week of work is going to help our household tremendously. I used to work with this company a few years back and it felt good to be there. It gave me a good confidence boost to be amongst people who believe I'm a talented and solid worker. When you struggle with depression and have had a few set backs, sometimes just a little thing like this can help remind you that you're not a piece of shit good at something. It's easy to start to feel worthless and lose your sense of ability. They are also very supportive and super impressed of what we are doing with From Fat to Finish Line and that's very cool.

Food wise I did well. And I'm still well within my Weight Watcher's points :)

And in bigger and better news - check out this amazing article in People Magazine about my very good friend Mike Bauler.

Let me tell you a little bit about this guy. I met Mike last February or so. I was convinced by Rik Akey (original FFTFL Runner in the film and head coach for the company) to run Ragnar Del Sol. Mike was in my van and I immediately judged a book by its cover. I looked him up on Facebook and without knowing one thing about him, immediately thought, "Ugh. I'm not gonna get along with this guy. He's young, good looking and a very, very fast runner." My own insecurities about being old, chubby and a very, very slow runner kicked in and so I immediately pegged him as "cocky."

Well, turns out, I was a total asshole. He couldn't have been a better van mate. Supportive, kind, protective, and motivational. He is a great guy. And the more I learned about him the bigger of an asshole I became for pre-judging him. This guy volunteers, takes his kids to their games and karate lessons, never complains about having to squeeze in his Ironman training around kid stuff and work, and is the commissioner of a wheelchair basketball league. Cocky? So, so far from it. I learned a great lesson from Mike - never, ever assume shit. It was super unfair of me to do that and petty. I could've missed out on having a great friend if I held on to my first impression based on practically nothing.  I now consider Mike one of my closest friends and I'm lucky to know him. Even if he is obnoxiously fast. ;)

How's your 2018 going so far?

XO
Jen

2018 is Off to a Good Start!

Happy New Year all!

First, some exciting news! Our documentary film, From Fat to Finish Line, made this "10 Things to Watch on Netflix on New Year's Day" list. That was very exciting :) 

After sleeping in a little this morning I got up and decided to make spinach pie. I find it to be pretty tasty and it's only 1SP per serving on the new Freestyle Weight Watcher's program. If you want to check out the recipe you can find it here. It's pretty simple and tasty with a cup of soup, as a quick snack, a side dish or even for breakfast.

My very green meatless 1SP lunch -
That's the Split Pea Soup I made yesterday.

After lunch I finally decided to get myself to the gym. My goal was to do at least 30 minutes of walk/run on treadmill - I managed 4 miles and a little over an hour. It felt great! 

I also took all of my measurements and made some short-term goals for myself:

Nutrition: I want to be as on point as possible with WW - my aim is 25 'blue dots.' For those of you not on Weight Watchers, the app gives you this blue dot when you're tracking and within your point range for the day. Looks like this: 

Fitness:  I'm aiming for 16 workouts or runs this month. With a combination of cross fit (or strength training) or running. Now I want to do more than this but this is a good goal. 

Personal: My goal is to blog 3-4 times a week if not daily for my own personal accountability and blogging really does help me to keep on track. 

Have you made any goals for the new year? How's your 2018 so far? 

XO

Jen

Spinach Pie Recipe

Weight Watcher's Freestyle Spinach Pie 

Spinach Pie

1 SP for a fourth of the pie

I love this tasty little spinach pie. It's only 1SP for a fourth of the pie! It's great as a side dish, served with some soup or salad or as a little snack.

You could use real cheese but it will up the points.

Ingredients:
20 oz. of frozen spinach
4 eggs beaten
3 minced cloves of garlic
small onion chopped
1/2 cup of FF Greek Yogurt
1/4 cup of grated parmesan cheese
1/4 cup of Kraft fat free shredded cheddar cheese
1/4 cup of Kraft fat free shredded mozarella
generous shake of garlic powder
salt and pepper to taste

Directions: 
Preheat oven to 350 - spray a pie dish (I use a glass Pyrex one) with a little olive oil spray.
Thaw out spinach and squeeze out as much of the liquid as you can
Beat the eggs and stir all the other ingredients together - then add spinach.
Pour into pie dish and bake for about 20 minutes
Keeps well in the fridge and does well microwaved the next day

I bet this would be tasty with some shredded rotisserie chicken breast added. Could probably add some mushrooms as well.

My lunch: Spinach pie with my 0 point split pea soup

Enjoy!

XO

Jen

Happy New Year's Eve! My Ugly Weight Watcher Weigh-In

Happy almost 2018! 

Went to Weight Watchers this morning for my weekly weigh-in and as suspected it was a shit show. I mentioned the other day that I love the new Weight Watcher's Freestyle program and I'd lost 5 pounds the first week. The new program is great... when you actually do it.  I ate like an asshole indulgently the last two weeks and drank dirty martinis like I had stock in olives and vodka, and well, I gained four back.

For accountability, I will be sharing my weight with the world after each weigh-in. Or at least the 5 of you who read this blog). This is terrifying but I think that sharing the good, bad, and ugly of the journey is important. So my starting weight as of right now is 180.2 - I haven't weighed this in at least seven years. Kind of a bummer but no surprise. You can't eat and drink like I have and fizzle out on the working out part and expect the scale not to "reward" you with a nice hefty gain. Worse than the scale though is how tight my clothes feel and how I don't love what I see looking back at me in the mirror lately. I came to identify myself as a runner and lately I just feel like a slug. An imposter. My goal weight is 150. I hung around the 160's like 165'ish for a long time and now I find myself here. Oh well. I can get hung up on this number or I can do something about it. So here we go.

So that's the bad news. But here's the good. I really do like the new program and I'm ready to get going. For the first time, in a long time, I feel energized to get back on track and back to me. I feel my best when I'm working out, eating right and taking care of myself. I want that feeling back. I can't change the past but can change what I do right now. That's what I'm focusing on. 

After the meeting today I went to the gym and ran/walked for four miles. It felt really awesome to be moving and was literally a step in the right direction. Then I came home and made some foods to help support my eating right this week. I made a slow cooker Freestyle Split Pea Soup (0 points on Weight Watchers!) Here's the recipe. And then I made this delicious chicken cutlet thing w/diced tomatoes and white beans - Recipe here. 

Split Pea Soup ingredients

So onward and upward!

Thanks for joining me on this journey and I wish you all the best in 2018.

XO
Jen

Weight Watchers Freestyle Chicken Cutlet and White Bean Recipe

Weight Watcher's Freestyle Chicken Cutlet and White Bean Recipe

This was super tasty and very fast to make. I had it over a 1/2 cup of rice. I bet it would be amazing over pasta or quinoa. It would probably also be great over zoodles or cauliflower rice - keeping it 100% freestyle.

The recipe itself is hearty and 0 Freestyle points.

Ingredients:

A few chicken cutlets (I think I might've had a little less than a pound of them? About six)

1 thinly sliced medium onion

1 thinly sliced green bell pepper

2 chopped garlic cloves

1 15.5 oz can of diced tomatoes (mine has basil flavoring)

1  15.5 oz can of white beans

1 tbs of capers

1/3 cup of mild banana pepper rings (the kind that come sliced in a jar) 

seasonings: salt, pepper, garlic powder, pepper flakes (whatever you want). 

Spray a large non-stick pan with a little olive oil cooking spray. Sautee onions, peppers and garlic until slightly softened. (I also sprinkled those with a little salt and pepper) 

Push the veggies to the side.

Season the chicken with the spices and cook on each side for about a minute each. 

Put the veggies over the chicken and add the beans, tomatoes banana peppers and capers.

Cover and cook for about ten minutes.  I put it over a half a cup of white rice (3 pts.)

I think this would be great with some mushrooms tossed in and maybe even some string beans. 

Enjoy! Let me know what you think. 

XO

Jen 

Weight Watcher Freestyle Split Pea Soup Recipe

Weight Watcher Freestyle Split Pea Soup 

I made this recipe last week and it was delicious. Hearty and satisfying this Freestyle soup comes to 0 points per serving. I made this in a crockpot but you could probably simmer it on the stove for a few hours as well. 

Ingredients:

1 bag (1 pound) of split peas rinsed. 

1 medium onion diced

2-3 medium carrots peeled and chopped

2-3 medium celery stalks chopped

2-3 cloves of garlic minced

1 bay leaf

1/4 cup chopped parsley

4 cups of chicken or veg stock

3 cups of water

(optional) 2 tsp of liquid smoke 

Put the split peas in the bottom of the crockpot - put the rest of the veggies on top, season with salt and pepper. Pour the liquids in and add the liquid smoke. 

Set crockpot on low for 8-10 hours or high for about five hours.  

Optional: Add one cup of diced ham for the last half an hour (this adds a point per cup). 

Makes about 7-8 one cup servings. 

If it's too thick add a little extra water. 

Enjoy! 

My Take on the New Freestyle Weight Watchers Program

So I've been floundering around with Weight Watchers since the beginning of time. (Ok for the last year or so). I've been going to my meetings (which I really, really enjoy) but the actual following through and following the program has been dicey.

I don't know what happens. I go to the meeting, get excited for the week ahead, track a meal or two and then it all falls to shit. Rinse and repeat. Sigh.

Love when I manage to get those blue dots!

Anyway, I'm really excited about this new program and feeling rejuvenated. The first week of trying it I absolutely loved it and recorded a great loss for me. Basically, you get a few less points but there are a lot of point-free foods to keep you satisfied.

Great loss for me! First week on Freestyle

The "free" foods include:

• Eggs
• Skinless chicken breast
• Beans 
• Tofu
• Edamame
• Most fish 
• Corn
• Peas
• Fruits & Veggies 
• Fat free plain Greek yogurt

The first week that I did it I was super prepared - I made hard boiled eggs for quick and free snacks, I made a big batch of chicken chili and I roasted chick peas for crunchier snacks. I was never hungry because truthfully, there's no reason to not eat something if you're hungry. There can be many choices... if you're prepared. 

The second week was weaker for me because I didn't meal prep, I wasn't as prepared and it made a big differnce. This is the big key for me. I must, must plan and prep.

Steamed Shrimp and Broccoli - FREE
1/3 cup brown rice - 2pts
2 steamed dumplings 4pts
2 tablespoons of brown sauce on side 1pt
Chinese takeout done right! YUM

Truthfully with the holidays hitting I've been half-assing it and eating stuff that I rarely do (and only at this time of year.) However, I'm super excited to really grab this program and run with it. I did massive shopping today and I'm ready to commit 100% to getting back to goal. 

I'll share some recipes in upcoming posts. 

I really think that Weight Watchers has nailed it with their current program. 

Hope you are all doing well! 

XO

Jen 

I'm Back! My Personal From Fat to Finish Line Goals for 2018

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Is this thing on?

Are any of you still out there?

It's been a looooong time since my last post. More than a year as a matter of fact.

Even though it's been forever and a day I'm back.

From Fat to Finish Line on Netflix! 

I need to be back. You see, in spite of the success From Fat to Finish Line has enjoyed as a documentary film and From Fat to Finish Line as an online movement and tribe - I've been personally struggling hard. I've dealt with weight gain, lack of motivation and some depression. Looking back at what worked for me in reaching my goals all those years ago, I have come to realize that this blog was pivotal in my journey.

Writing this blog provided me:
1. Accountability and
2. A journal of sorts.
I need both so here I am.

First things first, A few highlights/ not so highlights from the last year or so:

Some of us FFTFL'ers in Dublin at 5K

1. From Fat to Finish Line the documentary is doing well and you can watch it on Netflix, iTunes, Amazon and other streaming services.
2. Thanks in part to the film, From Fat to Finish Line has grown into a big, supportive FB community and company. We have resources for new and overweight runners.  You can join the FB community HERE, Learn how to run your first mile HERE, and check out our website HERE.
3. I ran two Ragnars last year (Del Sol and Poconos) which really made me fall in love with Ragnar. 
4. I celebrated my 45th birthday in Dublin, Ireland with the FFTFL tribe.
5. From Fat to Finish Line had an amazing meet-up in Las Vegas again.
6. I am up 25 pounds from my goal weight.
7. I have dealt with depression.
8. I have been struggling to run and get my workouts in.
9. I moved to a new apartment.

Van 1 Ragnar Del Sol: Team Running Down a Dream 

So here's my goals for 2018 in no particular order: 

HEALTH: I need to get back to basics and cut the shit. I've not been doing the right thing. I intend to make my health a priority by:  Losing the 25 pounds I gained and get back to goal. I will accomplish this by running at least 3x's a week, weight training at least twice a week, choosing healthy foods and tracking by sticking to Weight Watchers. 

I will commit to and make drinking my water a priority. I will cut down or cut out alcohol. I will take my vitamins, and avoid gluten.  I will continue to see my therapist and find ways to cope with stuff that doesn't involve food or alcohol such as meditation. 

HOME: I will disconnect from electronics when connecting with friends and family. I will make human interaction a priority and spend less time, nose down in my computer and wasting time on social media like FB. I will also honor my home itself by keeping the clutter down and keeping my home clean and organized. When it's a mess it drives me crazy and doesn't help anything! 

CAREER: I will continue to build the From Fat to Finish Line brand. This is my life and passion. I am committed to chugging forth in giving my best when it comes to the company. I want to reach my finish line goals and I want others to as well. I will finish my life coaching course which has me studying how to support others in mental/emotional/physical and spiritual health. This not only helps me to be able to support the FFTFL tribe but it is teaching me how to cope with my own stuff too! 

RUN: Although mentioned in my "Health" section above - Running deserves its own place. First of all, I have a lot of running coming up in 2018.

• I got accepted into the Chicago Marathon for 2018.
• I am running FOUR FFTFL Relays in 2018: The Buck Fifty in OH, Ragnar TN, Ragnar Chicago and Ragnar Northwest Passage. 
• I'd like to run NJ half marathon at the shore and Rock 'n' Roll Vegas half.

Second of all. Running makes everything better for me. Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I MUST make it a priority. I was able to keep my depression more or less in check for years just by consistenly running. This last year my running game was off and the depression came back in full force, the weight crept further up, I lost my overall mojo. I'm trying to manage, went on a mild anti-depressant and am working things out in therapy but I need my runs. 

Turning 45 in Dublin

So while the last year or so has been a little challenging - it's all a part of life. All a part of the journey. I'm taking the positives and learning from the negatives. I'm ready to take on 2018 and make it my bitch the best year ever! 

What are some of your goals for 2018?

New York City Marathon 2016 Race Recap

Hello dear friends. I know it's been a while. Great things are happening. We've been busy building From Fat to Finish Line into a business to help runners get to their finish lines and it's been awesome. I owe you a blog about all that but this post is all about The TCS New York City Marathon, baby!

Once again I had another imperfect (OK pretty pathetic) training regime going into the New York City marathon. But I managed to get in my long runs (more or less)  and while not ideally trained, I was super excited anyway. Thanks to the generous support of so many friends and family I reached my goal of raising $3000 for Organization of Autism Research and this race wasn't just about me.

The week of the event came and I was eerily not nervous or experiencing the "what if" fear and dread that I experienced before any really big race. Instead I was downright giddy and excited. While not normally a Taylor Swift fan her "Welcome to New York" song seemed to be on-loop on my playlist (which at times annoyed the crap out of me and other times moved me in a very corny way to being a little weepy) - It wasn't lost on me how special and momentous this was. I didn't have to run - I GET to run the greatest city in the world... I felt psyched all week.

On Thursday I made my way to the expo, enjoyed kicking around, getting my bib and reuniting with Bart Yasso.

Sunday came and I was awake for hours before my alarm went off - by 3:45 am I was getting dressed and ready. By 5:00 am I was on a bus from the Meadowlands and heading out towards the start in Staten Island! On the bus, I ran into a new FFTFL friend, Walter. It was a great gift to have company on the bus and at the village for the next few hours until the rest of the gang showed up. Once at the village, we rested a bit, drank some free Dunkin' Donuts coffee, took a few pictures and waited. Ann, who I trained with, Megan, friend Jeanine and Dominic all made their ways to the village.

While wandering about, Ann, Jeanine, Megan and myself got a special treat of seeing the one and only MEB who was the grand marshal of the race! Ann asked for a picture and he said yes! What a great way to kick off the day.

So after the long wait - it was finally 11 AM and time to run! Megan and Jeanine had started earlier and Walter was in another corral. Domenic, Ann and myself headed to our place on the bridge.

The gun went off and instead of the traditional Frank Sinatra's New York, New York song, they cut it about 5 seconds in and played "I Want to Dance with Somebody" from Whitney Houston instead. I was a little disappointed because the Frank Sinatra song is sentimental for me (it was my Grandmother's favorite song) but shook it away and got down to business!

We decided to try to keep the pace comfortable. Domenic had been doing a walk 30 second / run 1:30 second thing in training and I thought that sounded like a good approach. Domenic and I did that along with Ann for the first mile or two. We got a few miles in and of course I had to stop to potty. We waved Ann off and she was on her way.

Domenic and I soaked in Brooklyn which is just such a great place to run. All the cultures, all the people, the support amazing. Domenic saw his wife and mother-in-law out there and I got to see my friend Joe and Jess at mile 8 again which is such a blessing and treat. Once again they didn't let me down Their smiles, enthusiasm, and big-ass sign with my name on it - was just soooooooo uplifting. Words can't describe how much it meant to me. Loved that so much.

While out there, a few people recognized the film from my shirt. I heard a few times, "I saw you in that movie and loved it!" one even said "Oh my God, Jennifer Roe! Love you, love your movie!" That was very exciting and cool!

Right after seeing Joe and Jess (about 8 miles in) my legs already were starting to feel a little tight. Ugh. Lack of training on hills and in general was beginning to catch up and there was still 18 ahead. This was the type of  feeling that shouldn't have been happening until at least 14 in. But I had to just shake it off. There was no way I was going to quit or give up only way home was though the finish line.

Around mile 13 we caught up with Domenic's brother. He was a little younger and had a spring in his step. Domenic started to run a little faster (and I a little slower by this point) so the next few miles I was trailing them. I tried to keep up but I was tired and getting sorer and sorer. They were sweet, they would check up on me, encourage me on and tried to keep me in the game. Finally, around mile 17, I really fell behind on them. I was tired of trying to keep up the pace and felt it might be better if I just did this race my own way and at my own pace.

By this time we'd been out there for hours. I was nervous about how things were going, I was now on my own and I was FREEZING. I decided to run off course and go into a Dollar Store. I was hoping to buy a blanket or something I was just so cold. Well, the store was heavenly warm, and then I found fleece gloves. There were five people on line and the wait was annoying but I wasn't winning anyway, so I waited. The gloves truly made a difference.  So I guess this might've been 17.5 miles in or so. It was starting to get dark and I still had at least 8 miles to go. I figured I could drag my ass, freeze to death and be miserable or just put my head down, make the best of things and push. I hadn't come to New York to not give it my best!

So, I pulled out my music (Before even starting the race I only had 16% battery so I had kept it on airplane mode the whole race - I pulled it out and thought to myself, "well, I will get at least a little music out of this. If I'm lucky a song or two." By some miracle it hung onto 16% battery until the end of the race so I had music when I needed it!)

It was tough and I was slow but from miles 17.5 - 22 or 23 I pretty much ran and felt a new sense of purpose in the race. I listened to T-Swift's "Welcome to New York" a few times and "Raise You Up" from Kinky Boots which always puts me in a good mood. I was physically hurting and it was hard but I was determined. I repeated mantras, I told myself, "this might be hard but Autism is harder" I told myself that, "this is supposed to be hard - that's why you get a medal" and I thanked the universe and God for giving me the strength, the body, the legs and the courage to carry me to the finish line. Even though I struggled, I was proud of myself for moving forward.  I made a commitment to myself to get to that finish line even if it took me all night.

A big part of what really kept me going out there was all of you. I knew that so many of my friends and family not only supported me and autism to get there but I knew you guys were tracking me. From my parents, hubby and sister to my From Fat to Finish Line and Weight Watcher's families I knew I was supported. I thought of you guys looking at that app and seeing me cross miles and rooting me on from home.

There were some great spectators still on the course and hearing my name and encouragement also kept me going.

Finally, I was in the last mile and coming close to the finish line. I had done it. Once again, I became emotional as I approached the finish. It took 7 hours and 22 minutes. I arrived at the start line in the dark and I was finishing, once again, in the dark. I was so tired, so sore, but so proud.

You would think it would end there - huh? Well. After crossing the finish line - I still had to walk a good 3/4th of a mile to get my cape and get out of the park. It was then a journey across town by cab (got out when we weren't moving and I began cramping) subway and NJ train home. The NJ train home was a shit show of people! Gimme a break! lol - There was a lot of post-marathon walking. I really missed not wearing my fitbit that day! Ha.

Anyway so that was that. NYC Marathon 2016 in the books. While I swore in the weeks leading up to the race and during every minute of the race, that I would never do another full marathon again -- well. Let's just say never, say never. For now I'm sitting on my hands so I don't enter the 2017 lottery but that's all I can promise to for now.

Thank you for your love and support - without you, I would never get to the finish line.

XO
Jen