Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Suck it up Buttercup...

Somedays running is pure joy. Everything feels good, the sun is on your face, there's an ever so slight breeze that kisses your cheeks and even the flowers rejoice as you glide by.

Today was not that day.

No. Not by a long shot. Today was one of those days that despite the massive prerun pep talk, the old, unmotivated side of you wants to crawl back to bed and watch the 100th hour of the Today show but you fight the urge enough to soldier on. Good for you.

So instead of this....
The weather today is horrendous - I was going to "suck it up buttercup" (which I love btw, Jason, def added to my list of new internal mantras) but decided to just suck and go to the gym. Sorry. It wasn't the rain that got me, it was the 40-50mph wind warnings and the flying monkeys and branches whipping by. It's SUPER nasty and probably a little hazardous out there and well, why do that to myself when I am paying for a gym membership for this kind of back up.  Believe me, going to the gym is no treat because 6 miles on the treadmill is like 200 years in dog years... or something like that.

....I chose that
And today, it might as well have been 200 miles. I started running and within the first mile, started falling a part. my ankle hurt, my quad hurt, my calf hurt, I had 0 energy, I was sweating to death and I had 5.5 miles to go.  Oy. "Suck it up, buttercup."

By 2.5 miles I had kinda decided I should just run to 3 miles - rest the quad and calf for my long run on Friday, I justified.  The marathon isn't until June - what will these 3 miles matter by then?

I don't know how much they will matter by then but they mattered to me dammit, the fighter in me shouted back.

So, I dug deep. I thought to myself - I'm lucky to be on this treadmill, I am lucky to run and there's no quitting.  I thought of the old saying, "quitters never win and winners never quit." And then I decided to dedicate each of my last 3 miles to someone or some situation.

Mile 4 was dedicated to all of the people who through birth, accident, illness or other situation do not have the LUXURY to run. I'm bitching about a twinge in my calf? "SUCK IT UP, Buttercup", there's a million people who would give the world for one day of running again. I thought about my dear friend Gareth, a total bad-ass, rock n roll, hell on wheels Brit who is wheel chair bound. It must not be loads of fun for him but does he complain? Does he let his chair limit him? No he does not. He travels around the world in that chair, making it look easy. I ran that mile for Gareth. Thank you for being you, Gareth.

Mile 5 was dedicated to every little girl out there who thinks she's too fat to do that. To every teenager who ever cried herself to sleep because she's ashamed of her body, thinks she's unworthy of love and sees no way out. To every kid who ever got picked last in gym class and never felt good enough. Now the big, big problem with this mile for me, was, this all hit a little close to home and as I really thought about these faceless kids, I kept getting choked up. It's very hard to breathe and run with a lump in your throat but I managed.

Mile 6 I did this mile for me. I did this mile because I have a strong body, I have capable legs. I did this mile because if I could talk to my teenage self I'd say, it doesn't matter if you were picked last in gym or that the boy you had a crush on didn't look your way because you're a fighter. These are the moments in life that you can choose to grow from or crawl up in a ball over. Someday you're going to be an athlete. Someday you're going to run a marathon.  So suck it up, buttercup because you got this.


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