Saturday, November 13, 2010

81.8 pounds- my three year marathon

I am down 81.8 pounds.

I know this is shocking but I'm having trouble finding the words to express what this means to me. I have put in the work, changed the way I eat and run regularly now.

I am no longer that chain smokin, tequila swillin', depressed, "I can't do anything" type person. That girl is long gone.

Oh, I'm no saint - I still sometimes eat too much or have one too many glasses of wine or shots of tequila... I don't always run as far or as fast as I probably can but that's OK.  I've been learning how not to beat myself up.

I am not as afraid to fail anymore. I'm more afraid of not trying. (Though I try to make failing not an option as a rule.)

This weight loss journey can truly be compared to a marathon. A long one. It hasn't been easy, there's been many a mile that it seemed I'd never see a finish line. Many a time where the road was long and hard. Many a time I actually had to walk and catch my breath, heal a wound, reassess my approach.

But, I never wanted to quit. At this point with the finish line in sight, I finally have a true understanding of what it means to "enjoy the journey." Every mile has brought a sense of accomplishment and a new lesson learned, every mile I've found both struggle and joy - and I've been lucky to have many people supporting me to get here along the way.

As I ran my "long run" eight miles yesterday, I kept myself motivated by thanking the universe for everything. My feet, my heart, my lungs my legs, my iPod :) All the things that kept that running route attainable yesterday. I kept mentally high-fiving myself, mile by mile, emotional over seeing how far I've come - far enough to be able to run for 8 miles, comfortably, relatively pain free and gratefully.  Every day that I'm lucky enough to run is a good day indeed.

And every mile means something.

Today I thank the universe for the gift of this journey - I thank the universe for even giving me those damn 81.8 pounds because without them, I would've never discovered how strong I am, strong enough to be able to move every one of those pounds out of my way.

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