Thursday, September 20, 2012

Annoying crap that people do at the gym


So I'm loving this time of year because I get to run outside and running outside makes me happy.

However, iffy weather and shorter days will be here soon and that means that since I am kind of a weather wimp I will be logging many miles at the gym in the near future.

The upside to the treadmill is that I can totally get into the zen of running without dodging traffic, skipping over cracked sidewalks or worrying about creepsters that might grab me.

On the other hand - this kind of crap annoys the shit out of me and it happens a lot at my gym - so I get to look forward to:

  • YUCKY SMELLY GUY - listen dude, I'm not saying you have to smell like a rose but come on - a little deodorant wouldn't kill ya.
  • YUCKY SMELLY GIRL - Tuesday I worked out at the gym and this girl got on the treadmill next to me. She smelled like she had taken a dive in a pool of "Luv's Baby Soft" perfume. Sickingly sweet and gaggy. I'm trying to do speed drills and I feel like I might die of perfume overdose.
  • MISS TEXT-A-LOT - Do you need to take up a treadmill if you're going to rock your ass bedazzled, Juicy Couture Sweatsuit and walk at 1.5 on the treadmill and text the whole time? Yes. You paid your membership fees. Way to get that workout in. Congratulations, you burned off the lemon in your Diet Coke.
  • MR. TALKS-A-LOT - Naturally the only thing more obnoxious than the texter is the talker. STFU and workout. I don't mind if you have to grab a quick call but do I need you to overhear your entire fantasy football strategy as you slowly shuffle on a treadmill.
  • MR KING OF THE WORLD - This is the super rude guy. The guy who sees you coming but hurries in, rather than holds the door - or sees you going for a machine and sprints to get on it before you or the worst, the guy who's doing his weight training but has decided to pee on the treadmill by leaving his water bottle, stinky sweat rag and keys in the console as to "reserve" the space. OK. Tough guy. Nice. You're annoying. 
  • MISS TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT- If there are 40 freakin' machines available do you really have to get on the one RIGHTNEXTTOME? Why? There's 40 freakin' machines. Elbow room, people. If it's packed, of course - mi casa, su casa… but really, the place is empty. Plus you're wearing an annoying Juicy Couture sweatsuit, smell like Luv's Baby Soft, slow walking and texting. You're killing me! 
  • OSCAR MADISON - EWWWW! Please. Don't leave your sweat soaked towel behind, wipe up your sweat, and don't use the cup holders to stuff your dirty tissues in. Not cool. 
  • FELIX UNGAR - You are definitely better than Oscar. Thank you for that. But, if I'm running at top speeds and you start to liberally spray that generic cleanser of whatever is in that bottle like a crazy person, I'm choking on those chemical fumes and it's not fun. a little spray, a little wipe. Or don a Hazmat suit but easy on the toxic harsh cleanser, please.
So those are the most annoying to me personally. Most of it I say half-in jest, I mean, I would encourage everyone to work out. Just preferably not right next to me smelling like an armpit doused in Luv's Baby Soft ;-)  - what about you? Do you have gym pet peeves or people who just kinda bug the crap out of you?

Hmmm… maybe I'll just try to power thru running outside this winter after-all  


PS- I have nothing against Juicy Couture - though I would argue that's a "shop at the mall" outfit vs a get your workout in outfit…

PSS - And Luv's Baby Soft is fine in small doses outside the gym… if you're 13 years old and going to your first dance.

PSSS - and finally, I was a big fan of the Odd Couple.

PSSSS OH… I should mention we are still fundraising for the From Fat To Finish Line film so please pre-order a DVD or support us anyway you can if you can.  

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