Wednesday, July 4, 2012

The perfect body

A few weeks ago I posted this picture - my first pair of running shorts that I've ever bought:

I am yet to wear them.

I have never been a fan of my legs and today I was going to brave them for my 3 mile run at the gym.

I put them on, I still felt "exposed" but was going to give it a shot. 

Then, my hubby walked in. I said, "I'm not sure about these. I'm not much of a short wearer, ya know?" 

My poor innocent hubby. He just looked at them and said very matter-of-factly, honestly, "don't worry, not everyone has legs for those kind of shorts."* 

Ouch. Oh. I guess not. I quickly took them off and put back on my black yoga pants that are just perfect when it's 98 degrees out! Not.

My husband instantly felt bad. I know he didn't mean any harm. He tried to recover - "They look fine, who cares? My legs are short and chunky and I wear shorts! Who has perfect legs anyway? You should wear them, they'll be cooler…" and on and on he went but the damage was done. 

It was confirmed in my head. Cover 'em up.

I wasn't crushed. I do not have any grand illusions about my body. Though I must admit it does piss me off.

When I was 100 pounds overweight I was eagerly looking forwards to the day that I could sport a bikini, rock a strapless or sleeveless dress and yes, even proudly and fearlessly wear shorts. The crock o' shit is that, CRAP, I still can't wear a bikini (hello flabby post-baby, post-100 weight loss looking belly), I still don't feel awesome in strapless or sleeveless stuff (courtesy of 'wings') and well, "not everyone has legs for shorts."

Got me to thinking about this 'ol body of mine… how do I feel about it?

Well, despite all this imperfection, and I know this is going to be totally contradicting to my reaction with the shorts,  I believe I have great legs, a perfect belly and awesome arms. Really, the perfect body.

Seriously. Why do we beat ourselves up so? I mean, I've beaten myself up my whole life and when are we "allowed" to finally not self-loathe our imperfections? I've decided that now is the time for me.

My body is healthy and strong. It has carried me 26.freakin2 miles, it has carried a child, it is healthy and I work hard for this health. My body has stood with me thru, literally, thick and thin. It's put up with cigarettes, alcohol, mistreatment and everything else. It's rallied with me to health and it's the only home I know.

My body will never be a "perfect" 20 year-old, air-brushed, Maxim model type but this body is mine and that is good enough for me.

I'll wear my shorts one of these days and I promise that I'll wear them proudly!  I do have legs for those shorts because my running has earned me that and if someone out there in the world doesn't like some of the lumps and bumps of my perfect legs that's just too bad. 


*For the record, hubby tells me I'm beautiful on a daily basis. If I wear a dress he compliments my calves -- but running shorts are different. I appreciated his honesty, he wasn't trying to be hurtful in any way.

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