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I'm sitting in the ER feeling pretty stupid.
Let me back up.
I woke up Tuesday with a strange aching in my calf. Petty unusual feeling and not typical of what I've ever felt before. I dismissed it as maybe a weird thing I did during my first yoga class or maybe something happened during my Sunday long run. I don't know.
First I fretted whether I could/should run, take a scheduled boot camp class or take my next scheduled yoga class. Don't want to risk "over-doing" it and hurting it further. The ache isn't unbearable just dull but steady. I could certainly work thru it and walking doesn't hurt much at all. Still. I have another half coming up a week from Sunday and the last thing I need is to further aggravate a sprain or strain if that's what it is. Over-reacting not to run? Under-reacting to be tempted to go test the waters on a 3 mile run? Ask ten people and you'll get ten different answers.
I haven't run since Sunday, opting instead to see if rest would help… and now I suffer the dark, sad and slightly depressed mood to prove it. I'm getting really sick of all this leg pain and issues. I just want to f'ing run already and without worry! (Sorry. The crabby, haven't run in a few days, girl rears her head)
Anyhow, while frittering away on FB and to make my already-hypochondriac ass even more confused, I come across this article: Runner's and Blood Clots - what you need to know and why athletes may be at greater risk… and now I'm bugging the hell out.
Just traveled? Check
Dehydrated? Check
Muscles fatigued? Sore? Check, check
Plus check, check, check to being over 40, on bc pills and imbibing in alcohol.
The freakin Internet and all of its information is ruining my life. My medical degree from Google now has me believing I could have a blood clot in my leg. I called my doc and told her the situation. She said to go to ER. So here I sit. Waiting for an ultrasound that I'm sure is going to confirm I am crazy and have nothing. Our shitty insurance will leave us paying for this crap forever.
The problem is, I'm always so fearful to over or under- react. It also comes down to a little bit of that old question of "being worth it". I'm sitting here feeling guilty and beating myself up over incurring this medical expense. Why aren't I feeling good enough to validate if I've got a clot or not? It's sick and scary that I'm almost hoping to have a clot to prove to myself that I'm not crazy or overreacting. To say, "see! Good thing I went!" Which is awful to say. I apologize to my friend Sara who did suffer a very serious clot and it severely set my friend back she's been dealing with it for nearly a year now and spent time in the hospital. It can be very, very serious. That's why I didn't want to take chances. That's why I'm here.
Getting wheeled in now...
Good news. No clot. Just another medical case of over-reacting and reading too much web-md.
And instead of relief the voices scream, "See. you are crazy. See you just wasted a shit-load of money and time." (Must get those mean thoughts out of head). Funny how I would never berate a friend for being safe and not sorry.
Now the only question left is can I run or will I aggravate a strain?
F it I am rolling the dice and running. before I lose my mind or misdiagnose myself with something else.
XO
Jen
PS: Despite the fact that I'm in a crappy mental place - please don't ever f*ck around with your health - when in doubt, check it out. I still rather feel stupid than dead. IMHO
13 comments:
Seriously- better safe than sorry. While you may be feeling silly- what if it would have been a clot??
we NEED SPRING!!!! or at least temps above 15 degrees.
glad everything is ok. always better to be safe than dead.
xoxoxo
I agree - you are crazy. But glad it was nothing serious. Can't wait to see how you react during an open water swim..lol
Minds already lost sister.....haha!
I am happy nothing was serious though.
And the best line of this blog:
My medical degree from Google
I am dying in laughter over here.
That unknown is me. Why did it say unknown? Oh because I have 400 gmail account and never know which one I am logged into.
Yeah, I hear dead doesn't feel too good. Thank God it wasn't a clot. It IS very serious and I think of David Bloom and his DVT that did wind up taking his life. How much are you willing to pay for peace of mind?
OK, first of all, people say "better safe than sorry" for a reason.
Second, I can totally relate. A few months back I experienced some random numbness/tingling on the left half of my body. After I tried to ignore it for a day or so I finally confessed to my hubby my worry that I might be having a mild stroke (which did happen to my then-25-year-old friend). So we headed off to the ER to spend hours and $$ on a CAT scan that showed nothing. Then I had to have a follow-up visit with my regular dr, then a neurologist, who ordered two other tests. I had one of them done (showed nothing) but by that point my symptoms had been long gone so I canceled the other test.
Several months later, symptoms have not returned, and I'm thinking that what happened was a combination of numbness in the leg due to the piriformis syndrome I've been battling for ages, and possibly something pinched from the last chiropractor appointment I went to.
Bottom line, yes, I probably overreacted, but at least then I knew I wasn't having a stroke. And wow, sorry this comment is so long!
I'm so glad you got it checked out and it wasn't a clot. No matter what the voices in your head say, YOU ARE WORTH IT!!
Good on you for getting it checked: Better for it to be nothing and feel foolish than to ignore it and have a major medical scare!
(I can 100% relate, however, about the foolish feeling: I just had bunion surgery, and won't be able to run for 6+ weeks. I'm struggling with the notion of it having been "elective" surgery, although it was corrective and hopefully remedied a super painful bone misgrowth. It's just… ugh. I feel so stifled and sad about not being able to exercise, but at the same time I'm relieved to know I'll be better after this.)
Hang in there and feel better!
I'm with ya--I never know the right reaction to have. FWIW, when I was reading your post I was wondering about a blood clot as well. It's a good thing you got your degree from Google though, and not WebMD, because then you would have amputated your leg at the hip, along with each ring finger.
Always better to be safe then sorry
BUT WebMD is the worse invention ever, no matter what symptoms you put in, it always leads to saying something is life threatening.
A. you are totally worth it!
B. Better safe than sorry for sure!
and
Three :) I am glad you are OK!
I'm so glad that everything checked out okay. Google always scares me, too!
This post reminds me of a trip I made to the ER about a week after my body lift surgery. I had a hard lump near my incision on my left hip, and everything I read online made me believe it was some sort of problem with the surgery. I was convinced it was something horrible. I went to the ER, paid the $100 copay, sat and waited for the doctor. When he came in, I pointed out the lump and he pressed on and said, "This lump?" I said, "Yeah, it's hard like a bone. That's bad, right?" And he said, "Well, that IS your hip bone..."
I spent my entire life not being able to see my hip bones, so when I finally could, I paid $100 to the ER to have it confirmed, hahaha. Definitely left feeling like an idiot ;)
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