Miami Ragnar - I am freaking out

All these months in the making.

The race. The movie. One of the biggest events of my life.

All about two weeks away.

I. Am. Freaking. The. F***. Out.

I've been so focused on making the documentary part of this journey that I have forgotten my own "running" part of this journey. My three legs are: 4.2 miles, 9.9 miles and 4.1 miles.

9.9 miles. In the middle of the night. Who thought this was a good idea?

I can't tell you the panic that is trying to set in. I'm trying to maintain a sense of "WOO HOO - this is an adventure!"

But I haven't ran more than 4 miles since early October, I'm deathly slightly afraid of the dark, and I'm already imagining being chased by pumas, evading alligators and trying to escape boa constrictors  (and any other scary animals I can image live in Southern Fl.)

The thing is I'm very lame when it comes to wild life. Even running around my suburban neighborhood, I've been known to have my heart skip a beat by a pigeon who has swooped in a little too close, I'll cross the street if a squirrel looks a little mean. A dog off a leash (even a little one?) Stopped in my tracks. Yeah. I know. I'm nuts. So you can just imagine how I'm feeling about this crazy midnight run thru what I can only envision as a rain forest but probably will be more of a road/running path.

make no sudden moves and no one gets hurt

Perhaps the fear of the dark and animals will make me run faster?

Sigh.

I've been dealing with a chest cold that finally took hold of me last Friday. I'm pretty sure my immune system gave up fighting once I heard the Sandy Hook news. I slumped into a depression and numbness for most of the weekend and submitted to the illness. I just couldn't deal with that news.

But I'm starting to feel a wee bit better, even if I still have a cough in my chest and a heaviness in my heart, so, I did an "easy" four miles today.

But there was nothing easy about the four miles I did at a 11:30 avg. pace. It was tough. I coughed and panted. I thought about doing 5 or 6 but decided that not over-doing it would be better than the mental "see I can do 6 so I can do 9" game that I like to play, for right now. I'm hoping that the five half marathons I did in 2012 will be enough of a 'base' background training that though I haven't clocked many miles lately, those miles will somehow count.

My plan for last minute training is to do another 3 or 4 by Friday and then 6 over the weekend.

Next week, I'd like to do a 4-4-8 type thing.

And then a few miles the week of the race.  I think I'll be OK. I mean, it's gotta be OK. I'm not going to give up or let my team down, so I've got no choice but to suck it up and be great.

That's my plan for the miles. As far as the alligators? I've got nothing yet.

XO
Jen

Setbacks

OH how I'm being tested.

Last week was busy but I got my long run of 18 miles in. I have been fudging the other runs during the week -- usually getting in slightly less then I should on the other given days due to an overwhelming schedule. But I strive to get something in and the long run day is sacred.

I was going to get an extra 10 miler in last week just to add some extra miles under my belt. I was planning on doing that on Thursday. As I was getting ready to go, I got the call from my son's school. "He's sick, please come pick him up." OK. Foiled again. My husband was nice enough to pick him up which gave me a few minutes to run a quick 3 miles to get something in.

So Friday rolls around, I knew running would be tough as I'd be taking care of my son all day but thought I'd aim to do something Friday night after hubby got home. Friday night came and I was hit over the head with the "I'm so tired I could die" stick. So I didn't go -- I thought to myself, "Saturday I'll do ten, rest Sunday and aim for my 20 on Monday."

Well, Saturday came and I got hit with the "I'm so sick I could die" stick. Wow. 103.5 fevers, vomiting, chills, you name it, I had it. Foiled again.

It's Tuesday and its the first time I don't have a fever in days but I still feel crappy. Doc wants me to wait a few days to run.  OMG. I am dying.

I feel hit over the head with the "how the hell am I ever going to pull off a marathon" stick.  I'm so freaking out. I feel so under-trained.  I'll get the 20 in somehow. And then 16 an then taper down but it's going to be sticky and I'm disappointed in myself for not finding a way to get myself better trained for this thing. I know it was a battle of snowstorms, injuries, business trips and illness but still - I feel like I put myself in a position to be going into this thing in a really tough place.

image from: myrunningaddiction.wordpress.com

My last long run of 18 miles was really, super hard. I hit the wall at mile 14 and the last four miles was an all-out battle of focus to get to 18 I don't know what I'm going to do if I hit the wall at mile 14 and have to stick it out for 12 more miles.  UGH. FREAKING. OUT.

help.

The agony of defeat... (and da-ankle)

Still not running, and the ankle is still bothering me a bit.  I'm planning on giving it a 3 mile run this Friday and see how I feel after. I honestly don't care about the pain so much as long as it's not getting furthered injured - but I don't know, does pain automatically mean something is wrong?

I've done the stationary bike a few times but I find that to be the most boring thing on the planet - it makes the treadmill look like a roller coaster ride of thrills in comparison. Holy boring. If my weight loss depended on an exercise bike, I'd be in trouble, but, I'm hanging in there.

I feel how this lady looks.

On a side note about the marathon training. I'm freaking out. I really am. I am SUPER confused with what I should effing be doing to catch up. I was behind in miles because of the winter from hell prior to injury - Now, I feel like I'm no where near where I should be at this point. My plan was to follow the NIKE+ training program to a perfect T and then go to the marathon comfortably knowing that the work was done, the miles run, and have nothing to worry about. I thrive off following "the plan" and knowing that I'm prepared. I feel like I'm heading into a final exam without having read the book.

I have no idea how to approach the next few months - do I just pick up where I left off and come in short or do I try to jump in 3 weeks later and suck up the leap in miles?  I've missed, a few 16 mile long runs at this point and this weeks long run is supposed to be 18 miles!  So what do I do? My longest "long run" has been 14 miles and that HURT…  Do I jump right back in (as if with still nursing a sprained ankle and running18 miles or 8 miles, for that matter, is even possible)  - I think going for 18 miles anytime soon might not happen.  I feel so behind. I really need guidance about if it's even possible to get back on track here. I'm very confused.  Help?

The back up solution is dropping to run the half. I'm not all jazzed about that option but I might have to go that way if I can't figure this out.

XO

Jen