I'm Back! My Personal From Fat to Finish Line Goals for 2018

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Is this thing on?

Are any of you still out there?

It's been a looooong time since my last post. More than a year as a matter of fact.

Even though it's been forever and a day I'm back.

From Fat to Finish Line on Netflix! 

I need to be back. You see, in spite of the success From Fat to Finish Line has enjoyed as a documentary film and From Fat to Finish Line as an online movement and tribe - I've been personally struggling hard. I've dealt with weight gain, lack of motivation and some depression. Looking back at what worked for me in reaching my goals all those years ago, I have come to realize that this blog was pivotal in my journey.

Writing this blog provided me:
1. Accountability and
2. A journal of sorts.
I need both so here I am.

First things first, A few highlights/ not so highlights from the last year or so:

Some of us FFTFL'ers in Dublin at 5K

1. From Fat to Finish Line the documentary is doing well and you can watch it on Netflix, iTunes, Amazon and other streaming services.
2. Thanks in part to the film, From Fat to Finish Line has grown into a big, supportive FB community and company. We have resources for new and overweight runners.  You can join the FB community HERE, Learn how to run your first mile HERE, and check out our website HERE.
3. I ran two Ragnars last year (Del Sol and Poconos) which really made me fall in love with Ragnar. 
4. I celebrated my 45th birthday in Dublin, Ireland with the FFTFL tribe.
5. From Fat to Finish Line had an amazing meet-up in Las Vegas again.
6. I am up 25 pounds from my goal weight.
7. I have dealt with depression.
8. I have been struggling to run and get my workouts in.
9. I moved to a new apartment.

Van 1 Ragnar Del Sol: Team Running Down a Dream 

So here's my goals for 2018 in no particular order: 

HEALTH: I need to get back to basics and cut the shit. I've not been doing the right thing. I intend to make my health a priority by:  Losing the 25 pounds I gained and get back to goal. I will accomplish this by running at least 3x's a week, weight training at least twice a week, choosing healthy foods and tracking by sticking to Weight Watchers. 

I will commit to and make drinking my water a priority. I will cut down or cut out alcohol. I will take my vitamins, and avoid gluten.  I will continue to see my therapist and find ways to cope with stuff that doesn't involve food or alcohol such as meditation. 

HOME: I will disconnect from electronics when connecting with friends and family. I will make human interaction a priority and spend less time, nose down in my computer and wasting time on social media like FB. I will also honor my home itself by keeping the clutter down and keeping my home clean and organized. When it's a mess it drives me crazy and doesn't help anything! 

CAREER: I will continue to build the From Fat to Finish Line brand. This is my life and passion. I am committed to chugging forth in giving my best when it comes to the company. I want to reach my finish line goals and I want others to as well. I will finish my life coaching course which has me studying how to support others in mental/emotional/physical and spiritual health. This not only helps me to be able to support the FFTFL tribe but it is teaching me how to cope with my own stuff too! 

RUN: Although mentioned in my "Health" section above - Running deserves its own place. First of all, I have a lot of running coming up in 2018.

• I got accepted into the Chicago Marathon for 2018.
• I am running FOUR FFTFL Relays in 2018: The Buck Fifty in OH, Ragnar TN, Ragnar Chicago and Ragnar Northwest Passage. 
• I'd like to run NJ half marathon at the shore and Rock 'n' Roll Vegas half.

Second of all. Running makes everything better for me. Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I MUST make it a priority. I was able to keep my depression more or less in check for years just by consistenly running. This last year my running game was off and the depression came back in full force, the weight crept further up, I lost my overall mojo. I'm trying to manage, went on a mild anti-depressant and am working things out in therapy but I need my runs. 

Turning 45 in Dublin

So while the last year or so has been a little challenging - it's all a part of life. All a part of the journey. I'm taking the positives and learning from the negatives. I'm ready to take on 2018 and make it my bitch the best year ever! 

What are some of your goals for 2018?

Running away from Autism

I don't talk about my son and his autism in this blog very often. In fact, aside from a few close friends I don't talk about it with others either. We don't think of Ben as our 'autistic' son, just our son who happens to be a handful. ;)

Ben pretending to fly with Daddy

For years we didn't really even say 'autism' around here. We preferred 'needs' it just seemed much less label-y. We've tried to downplay the issues to the outside world. It's not because we are embarrassed or anything but we try to keep things moving forward rather than get bogged down in diagnosis. 

And we work within our family to get Ben the best care and the best shot for a happy, healthy life. 

But it's been tough. I've had days where we just can't get through to him. Like any kid, he has good days and bad days. Ben is a non-stop kid. Even on his best days you can't take your eyes off of him because he likes to get into everything. 

We recently began seeing a top-notch specialist in the field and Ben has been put on a strict gluten-free and dairy free diet. He's also taking an anti-fungal to get rid of yeast build up and getting supplements to help heal. These approaches are pretty tried and true and I believe they will help him but the process has been HELL. Ben is going through withdrawal and die-off (Die-off happens when yeast dies and it's not pretty - but you go thru it to get to a better other side. Here's an article about it.) 

He's been aggressive in just the last two weeks he has hit me in a face with a paper weight (and it still throbs) has dumped glasses of water on the floor, peed on the carpet and has chucked every toy in his toy box at us (several times). He dropped my computer on my foot (my toe is still black and blue), and that's just for starters. Poor Ben is having a very hard time all around. Everyday we have been dealing with more than it seems we can take. But we figure it out.  They compare the food withdrawal in these kids to drug addicts. In fact the reason why they have to go GF and DF is because the food doesn't digest right and it turns into a toxin that becomes like an opiate in these kids. It's partially why they have such slurred reactions and seemingly don't feel pain - they have produced pain-killing opiates within!

But I have hope. There are moments of clarity now - I can see glimpses of him getting better. After a violent episode he is sweaty and flush and seems legitimately confused. He'll begin sobbing and then curl in my lap and say, "I'm very, very sorry. I don't know why I did that." And I believe him. In those moments I know that my son is in there and trying to escape a body and brain that is keeping him trapped. It is my and my husband's job to help him get out or at least reach whatever his "best" is. 

One of my fav. pics. Ben having the best time ever with Angela (who
braved lots of spinning rides and endured dizzy nausea for his joy)

And I thank God every single day that I get to run. That I have time when he is in school or some time on the weekend when my husband is home to lace up my sneakers and run. If I didn't have running, I'm sure I would be smoking, drinking or eating away those moments where I just don't know how to help him. Those moments where I feel like a shitty mommy because I just don't feel equipped to deal.

It makes me feel proud that my son knows me as a runner. He knows when my sneakers go on that  "Mommy is going to exercise." He likes to ask me about my medals. He says he wants to run someday. I can't wait for his first fun run race. 

Saturday was hard. He was in a destructive place and he was explosive. My husband said, "run." I cried in my car as I pulled out of the driveway. I know my boy is hurting and I want him to get better.  I ran a fast 3 miles. I sweated, my mind was cleaned. I came back with sweat instead of tears and we made it through the day. Sunday was better. Somedays it's overwhelming - but if I can find even ten minutes to run, it helps me keep it together and keep moving on this road of recovery for my son. 

Thanks for listening.

XO

Jen

PS: If someone you know is dealing with Autism, ADHD or other childhood behavior issues, this book was easy to read and eye-opening: Healing The New Childhood Academics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma and Allergies. By Dr. Kenneth Bock - the expert we are seeing is his colleague. 

Getting back in the groove - kind of

Well after being totally laid out with the flu for more than a week, I finally began my trek back into running.

It hasn't been the greatest last few weeks/months of running. With being back and forth to KY with a full work load, it wasn't easy to keep up with the miles I wanted to be running in preparation of my next half scheduled for a week from today. I was managing a few miles here and there and had hoped to come back from KY with at least time for one decent longer run of 8 miles - but with the flu I couldn't make that happen.

Oh well. It is what it is.

So on Friday I finally decided that the flu had passed enough. I was not (still am not) 100% but feel that it wasn't unreasonable to give a short run a shot.

Well, Friday was rough. I just did one test mile and everything was on fire. My legs felt heavy and my chest was screaming. I finished that mile in a coughing fit and all that carrying on only netted me a 12'26 pace. Which is OK. I guess. Again, it is what it is.

The lungs on fire feeling and the coughing fit passed and I felt like I could do it again. So yesterday I set out for two miles. It was good. My lungs still burned and I still ended with a coughing fit but the same 'feeling' effort resulted in a 10'55 pace. A little better. Tomorrow I will attempt a 3 or 4 miler.

Being that I literally only ran 26 miles for the whole month of April and more than half of that was within the first 7 days of April, i am shitting a brick about my half next Sunday. I've got no goal but to finish it and I'm still not sure what my plan to do that is - walk/run? Run really slow? Just run and hope for the best? Hitchhike the last 3 miles? I just don't know.

April's unimpressive milage. Yeesh.

The last year seems to have been tough for me to train the way I've really wanted to for these halves and I'm kinda bummed about that. I was really looking forward to perfectly executing (or at least coming somewhere near the vicinity) of my training plan this time. I am dying to run a race where I feel "ready" or as ready as I can be - I want to go in feeling strong and capable of running my fastest race - not trying to figure out how much I'll need to walk to get to the finish line :/

Oh well. It is what it is.

Maybe next time.

Have you ever felt under-trained for a race?

XO
Jen

Being worth it

I hope that you had a wonderful holiday and got/gave some really great stuff! 

My husband prides himself on giving really great gifts. He takes great thought and care and it's one of the many things I appreciate about him. When it comes to gifts, he never just "dials it in."

This year was no different.

So, come Christmas morning, my husband handed me my gift, beaming. And I tore into two packages.

The first was a framed picture of us crossing the finish line of his second half marathon (my sixth of the year) together. I loved it:

Marty & Jen crossing AC half marathon finish line

The second gift. Oh my. I opened the heavy box to reveal a top of the line, brand-new MacBook Pro 15 inch computer.  Um I couldn't hide it. My reaction wasn't one of joy. It was one of, "Why did you buy this? It's way too expensive. We need to take it back." My husband was visibly upset - this wasn't the reaction he'd hoped for.

Now, I need a new laptop. My livelihood lies in having a computer, I am co-owner in a television/film company, I blog, I travel, I will be editing a movie on it and stringing out a television pilot (we just sold a show to DIY network!!)… I was working on a 7 year-old Mac laptop that couldn't even hold a charge anymore. It doesn't have the capability to edit and it's been hanging on by a thread, on the edge of death, for the last six months.

So, hubby really thought this through. It was a gift I needed and should've appreciated.

My argument was, I could get a cheaper one, a second-hand one. My company is finally beginning to generate a little cash flow and my partner and I discussed finding one for me (perhaps second hand but in excellent condition) and having it be my "business" computer. 

Who was I to have this $2000 gift!? Ridiculous. I truly did appreciate the generous thought. I hugged hubby tightly and said, "Sweetie, I'm sorry I can't keep this - but it was very, very thoughtful and I love that you wanted to do something so grand for me. But really, something less expensive will do."

My husband sighed disappointedly. And said: "I know you could've gotten a cheaper one through your company. I know that I could've bought you a less expensive version. I got this for you because you deserve it. You work hard, you will need something of quality to edit on. I saved for months for this for you because I KNEW you would never, ever buy something like this for yourself. You are doing big things, and I believe in you. You are worth a very expensive computer."

And then it hit me. My initial reaction was deep-down based on the fact that I didn't feel worthy of such an expensive thing. And that was the kind of thinking that led me to being overweight my whole life.

Successful people do not question their worthiness of such things. In fact they expect them. Now (even though I'm not a fan of his) would a Donald Trump (or any other top business guy) ever say, "I don't deserve the best." Nope. 

Cheap food, bottom of the barrel gym membership, second rate sneakers, whatever and everything - needn't be great because OK or good (or even in the case of my food) bad - was good enough. Once I started caring about myself, I decided that I was "worth" shopping at Whole Foods for once in a while and I was worth investing the money in a good pair of sneakers and even springing for a boot camp class or yoga groupon once in a while.

Since beginning this blog, so many people who are struggling with weight have reached out to me. And I keep seeing one common thread. Most are struggling to love themselves. Now many wouldn't admit it out loud but I can read it in their words, hear it in their voice. They feel like they've let their family, the world, themselves down. They feel embarrassed, ashamed, helpless, useless, weak, powerless and less than… not deserving. I believe this is the real root problem for many of us.

All emotions I once felt at 255. And my biggest advice to most of these people who reach out to me is to seriously work on stopping the self-loathing, work on getting rid of all those negative emotions and to start loving and honoring yourself. In order to make the good decisions and carve the time, money, effort and energy it takes to make change, you have to believe in your heart that you are worth working, fighting and living for. 

And I often had to fake it 'til I could make it. 

It took years and I still struggle with feeling worthy of stuff - whether it's a small expense, taking time for myself or a big expense. I often will still think, "I would love that coconut water but whoooa $1.79 for that little thing!? Who am I? I can drink tap water…" "I can't run another marathon, that requires so much time! Who am I to be so selfish with hours on a Saturday to run?" "A $2000 computer? I don't deserve that. No way."

That computer represented the small part of me that still sometimes feels unworthy of great things. Great things that possibly include good health and success.  

I kept the computer. 

Marty was right, I'm worth it.

XO

Jen

Question to you: Can you relate? Do you ever feel guilty or unworthy of time away or a good pair of sneakers or anything else? 

PS: Worthy of something doesn't mean putting yourself in debt! If we couldn't really afford this - it would've gone back. While money is still tight - Hubby saved and planned for this expense and it's a true investment into my business. 

You never know where the road may go

You never know where the road may lead.

It's funny. Never in a million years did I expect to be living the life I'm living. Running really changed my life and in ways that I could've never predicted.

Back in February of 2010, I was struggling with my weight (stalled for a long time at about half way to my weight loss goal). I had just lost a sister-in-law to diabetes, was still trying to get footing on the next chapter of my career. I went in and out of bouts of depression and was having a tough time mothering my child who was difficult and often frustrated because of some of the special needs he has.

Running led me to this blog, which in turn helped me pick up jobs in the writing world. Those writing jobs helped me to put food on the table while I continued to build my film & TV business.

Running and blogging about running led me to meeting some of my best friends in the world including running buddies and Moms In Motion.

Me, meting up with fellow blogger and dear friend Jason, Angela filming - on location 

at REV3 Portland Maine, filming Jen Small 

Running led to weight loss, good health, better mental mood, less depression, a magazine article and confidence. It's opened doors to opportunity that I would've never imagined.

When you do one positive thing in one direction, other things happen. Things fall into place without even trying. At least they have for me.

Fall races: Top left - Rik (Jerry) Katie - Rik & Katie are the ones who started the Ragnar team!
Top right - hubby and I, bottom - newest runner to the team, Carly, Jen S. and John H.

And my partner and I are making my dream film. A film that will inspire others to run, seek good health, find good friends and make their own dreams come to life. We even now have an IMDb film page now!

How did I get this lucky? All because one day back in Feb. 2010, I decided to start running.

On location with Ragnar film runner, Allison

It hasn't been easy - mainly because making a film is expensive and we've struggled to piece together enough money to be able to pull it off. Also, every week we've been traveling to film the 12 racers - MI, WI, ME, CT, CA, OK, KS, CA, NY, and today we go to Ohio. (I missed the trip to AZ for one of the racers). And finally we'll travel to the race in Miami, Fl in Jan. It's not easy to do all that traveling with little money and a family. My husband had been a rock star - he believes in me and the project. Even my son Ben takes it in stride, bigs hugs, "I love you's" and "see you in a few days, Mom!"

The traveling makes it tricky to keep up on all the running and fitness I want to fit in - but we do our best to keep it a priority -

Angela rocks the bike as I make the best out
of the hotel treadmill in Kansas City, KS

I know we are on the right road. I know that like any tough road or race that if we keep moving forward, even slowly, that we'll get to our finish line.

And as I have learned, staying on the road, putting one foot in front of another and crossing finish lines, is what its all about.

I am so grateful. It's hard to put into words. If I had woken up with a cold, or in a different mood, or if I didn't tell a bunch of people when on a whim I decided to start running… If I hadn't immediately plunked down too much cash on a race that was too big for me… who knows who I would be and where I would be.

What other gifts has running given you?

XO
Jen

State of the union: An update on recent goals

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OK, so last week I was freaking out about my weight, messy house and life in general.

I made a few goals to try to reign the crazy in and I thought I should update you (as not to let you think that I'm just making up stuff, never to follow thru.)

Here were the goals and the update is in red.

Goals for my week:

• Super duper clean the house. I'm a happier person when things in my house gets in order. The home chaos just spills into everything else. Well, I didn't "super duper" clean, my poor son came down with a fever/strep throat so my house cleaning time was cut. I did, however, super duper clean my kitchen and bedroom which were the two rooms that needed it the most, making me feel much better.
• Track all of my food at Spark People. Yep. Did this. Even on Thanksgiving.
• Hydrate. My friend Angela told me about this free App "Idrated" it's kind of dumb but for some reason it is making me drink my water. It beeps at you and reminds you to drink water and gives you little rewards for getting it in. I was skeptical I'd use it but I have. So there you go.  Yep that dumb App is working for me - 7 days fully hydrated and counting!
• 15 miles running. Close, 12 miles. I was going to run 3 yesterday but my legs felt sore after weight training and decided to take a rest day. Happy that I got a 5 miler in this week. 
• 30 minutes of strength training (starting slow -- new goal to strength train.) Did it! 
• Bonus: I have a groupon for a gym that does boot camp, pilates, yoga, spin and Zumba classes. The groupon is for five classes. I will try to use one this week. Maybe yoga - I thought I hated Yoga (because I'm so gawky and non-flexible) but I tried it once (remember?) and want to really give it a fair shot. I am looking to truly start to cross-train, I think it'll ultimately make me a better runner. Nope, but i blame it on limited time due to sick kid - I did buy a fantastic groupon that gave me 30 yoga/bootcamp or toning classes for only $20! And I plan on using them!  

You may or may have not seen my subsequent post about freaking out over my weight. At my WW weigh-in I came in at 151 pounds. My happy weight is 144 and I don't like to get much above 147 so that freaked me out a bit. I'm feeling a bit better with perspective on it. I think I've dipped back below 150 and will continue to mind my food and activity closer until I'm back in my comfort zone.

Hope you had a lovely holiday and your week is going well!

Have you ever bought a fitness related groupon?

XO

Jen

Taking control of my messy world

I apologize for the very sporadic posts of late.  My whole world feels messy lately.

My house? A mess.

My food choices? A craptastic mess.

Even my email needs to be cleaned out.

This mess has led me to feeling a bit out of control in many areas of my life, weight included.

It's not without good excuse. I've been traveling and working my tail off and my time management skills have been sucking an egg.

But still. I hate this feeling.

I got on the scale this morning and I'm up close to four pounds. It's OK. I'm staying calm and carrying on (and counting calories and trying to get my groove back.) But still. I feel those pounds. I felt like I was running a super speedy 2 miles today and the four pounds proved I wasn't terribly speedy, just carrying around more weight and thus, exerting more effort.

So this week I will un-mess myself. And get in control over some of the stuff in my life.

Goals for my week:

• Super duper clean the house. I'm a happier person when things in my house gets in order. The home chaos just spills into everything else.
• Track all of my food at Spark People.
• Hydrate. My friend Angela told me about this free App "Idrated" it's kind of dumb but for some reason it is making me drink my water. It beeps at you and reminds you to drink water and gives you little rewards for getting it in. I was skeptical I'd use it but I have. So there you go.
• 15 miles running.
• 30 minutes of strength training (starting slow -- new goal to strength train.)
• Bonus: I have a groupon for a gym that does boot camp, pilates, yoga, spin and Zumba classes. The groupon is for five classes. I will try to use one this week. Maybe yoga - I thought I hated Yoga (because I'm so gawky and non-flexible) but I tried it once (remember?) and want to really give it a fair shot. I am looking to truly start to cross-train, I think it'll ultimately make me a better runner.

My first not sucky yoga experience - dare I say
I actually almost liked it?

In other news, I ran a 5K last Sunday - not my fastest, not my slowest -- did Giralda Farms in Madison, NJ, placed 10th in my age group - yippee.  There was a massive hill and I wasn't even sure I was running this until the day before so I'm happy with it overall.

I'm starting to get nervous about Ragnar! With all my focus on trying to raise the money and produce the filming of it, I somehow forgot - I'm actually running this thing!! Well, hopefully my above goals will be a good kickoff to training for it. :-) It's coming quick!! 

What mess do you have to work on cleaning up?

XO

Jen

Suck it cheerleaders

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Somedays you just have that "ah" moment. Not an "ah-ha" moment but an "ah" moment.

Today I had one of those.

I was running around my 'hood for a 3 mile run. Despite a slight hangover and despite sitting in a smokey cigar bar last night with hangover-inducing cocktail - I was cooking.

And then up ahead about a quarter of a mile, I saw them.

A group of 15 and 16 year old cheerleaders doing some kind of jogging and looking beat.

It. was. on.

I (surprising myself) not only caught up but cooked right past them. Even the two "fast" ones up a head. I imagined they were the cheerleaders i so wanted to be a part of but shunned me as a chubby pre-teen.

That chubby teen in me was gleefully cheering today though! I even slowed down so those huffing and puffing teens could kinda catch up and then smoked them again!

Nothing against cheerleaders - and I'm sure they were lovely girls but it really felt satisfying. The 12 year old me was definitely cartwheeling (I could never cartwheel or do a split -- was so upsetting at the time…) and giggling past.

Ah.

:-)

40 and fabulous indeed.

Have you ever had an 'ah' moment like that? Another ah moment for me was showing up at a HS reunion feeling confident and successful… while some of my classmates (including the meanest and most popular) hadn't fared so well. Ooops.

XO
Jen

PS: Pleeeeeeease support the From Fat To Finish Line Film if you can - your pledge will get you really cool stuff - you can score a DVD, training sessions, even some specially made bling! We are so far from the finish line if we don't raise our goal we get nothing, nada, zilch. Also check out the updated trailer while you are there. It's pretty cool.

If you can't afford to donate money - you can help just by helping us spread the word. Share on your FB page, tweet, blog about it… anything would be super appreciated. Takes a village to raise a running documentary! xo thank you.

3 Things Thursday

1.  Tomorrow, I'll be hopping a plane and heading back West for business and this:

2.  Last night I ran a JOYFUL, not too hard, not too easy - little two mile run. Could've ran forever… Put my head in a good place for the half.

3. Going away is soooo hard. I miss my little musician so much:

He's four and a half and his favorite toy is a real guitar that he is desperately learning to play. He even loves putting it away in it's case properly.

Happy Thursday!

XO

Jen

7 reasons to stop hating the treadmill

at least I can watch the muscle heads at my gym

Ah, The good 'ol dreadmill treadmill.

Many of us have a hate-hate relationship with it.

Some more than others.  I myself have grown to tolerate the treadmill. I will admit that it's easier to deal with it when runs are 6 miles and under but I've used it to run up to 14.

Not everyone hates the treadmill. I mean powerhouse runners and bloggers like EMZ runs on one and even did her own 24 hour treadmill fundraiser on one!  Lesley from Racing It Off also often turns to tread work without mention of dread.  She clocks some serious miles on it too!

Today I woke up with a groan at the thought of hopping on the treadmill… So on the heels of yesterday's post about being positive I started to talk to myself about all the good things about the good 'ol tread.

So in honor of national treadmill day… (never heard of national  treadmill day? Well that's because I made it up…)

I'm listing ten seven (I couldn't come up with ten) reasons why we should stop hating the treadmill:

1. Climate control. No ice, no rain, no snow, no heat wave, no cold weather gear, no coming home and waiting for your thighs to defrost or cursing the sunscreen that's sweated into your eyes… Just go time.
2. Reality television. It's so much harder to watch an episode of the Jersey Shore running thru a park… well. unless your park is in the middle of Jersey (like mine) where you might sight a Snookie or two… 
3. A handy dandy dash board.  No figuring out where to carry your Gu, hydration, music, towel, iPhone, uh. remote control for reason number 2 - treads have all kinds of cup holders to stash your crap.  And talking about crap...
4. Potty perfect.  Gu hit your tummy hard? Too much pre-run hydrating? Running so hard you feel like puking? Never fear, a potty is near!
5. No dogs, children or sidewalk cracks to trip you up.  On my run the other day thru the hood, I made the mistake of running by a middle school just as the tweens were getting out. Oh the horror. Weaving in and out of walls of kids with heads buried in their cool smart phones was a great time if you like running a 15 minute mile. Also, I'm good for catching every little bump in the road just at the right spot to trip. 
6. Mindless Miles.  It's not to say they aren't worthy or important miles. Sometimes it's just a relief to run without thinking of anything. I can blast my music and truly tune out. When I'm running outside I'm on heightened alert for above mentioned dogs and sidewalk cracks, plus cars, bikers, predators and other things that can harm ya.  I like that I can completely zone out.
7. Hill and speed control. Wanna run up hill - no need to go out and find one! That's so old school. Incline it up, baby!  Want to know what it feels like to run a 5 min. mile? - Set it to 12.0 and have at it. Good luck. Modern technology! I do like challenging myself to running faster and faster on the tread.

So what's your thoughts on our poor, often hated friend the treadmill? Love him or hate him? 

What's your favorite thing about the tread? Your least favorite?

XO

Jen

Talking to yourself: Not just for crazy people

"If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right." - Henry Ford

Ugh. I mean, hills make me strong

I am a great believer of self-talk. In fact I live or die by it. I used to be filled with self-doubt and negative self-talk and I didn't even realize it! I would wake up in the morning already groaning internally about the weather, the traffic, the 'tough' day ahead.  I had to consciously change that thought behavior and I work every day at it by using positive self talk.

I love the Ford quote above because it's so friggen true. When I was 236 pounds I could've said to myself, "I'll never lose weight, run a block, be healthy… I'm a failure." And I could make that all true. Or I could've said to myself, "I'm going to stick to my health goals, run what I can at any given moment in my weight loss journey and become healthy."

Luckily, I chose the second statement and I chose to repeat it, repeat it and repeat it. Most of those times even "faking it til, I made it" in those earlier days.

In addition to positive self-talk, I find mantras, words, phrases to be very helpful during runs - or even in tricky food situations. They say that thoughts become words and words become action. I don't know the science of it all but I know that it works for me.

It seems I'm not Polyanna perky by nature. My first thoughts usually go negative, "this sucks" or "this is hard" when it comes to certain situations like long runs or hills. I have to be very aware of my tendency to do that and squash it quick!

I've started repeating things like, "I love long runs because_________" and I fill in the blank with 5 - 10 things. I have to. Or my brain just wants to say, "it sucks."  Ironically, I do like long runs but that mental game of 'finding the time' and just doing it can often get thwarted by my evil, negative brain trying to talk myself out of it.

During a workout where I'm feeling drained and like cutting it short I might think or say:

• You are strong
• There will be a day you cannot do this, today is not that day
• Suck it up buttercup
• You don't have to do this - you GET to do this - it's a privilege, enjoy it
• Pain is temporary, Pride forever (got thru my first half marathon with this one)
• This is joy
• I love this run
• Hills make me strong
• This might be tough, but I'm tougher
• This is the part that counts, so don't back down now
• I'm a warrior
• If this was easy, everyone would do it
• I'm an athlete
• This is your time

Most recently, blogger Maria Simone at Running A Life, quoted triathlon & running coach Bobby McGee with this: 

"Be the kind of person who does the types of things to have the results you want." I know that my friend Jason from Cook, Train, Eat, Race has been living by these words.

Words are powerful.


When I first started running, I called it the voices in my head that were like a bunch of mean girls… always telling me reasons why I can't… At least for the most part now-a-days - the mean girls have been hushed by a chorus of "you can's."

As you can see, I'm doing a lot of talking to myself. And sometimes I'm sure I look crazy. That's OK…  I'd rather be crazy than lazy! ;)

Do you talk to yourself during your runs?

Do you have a favorite go-to mantra?

Do you have a favorite running quote?

XO

Jen

A year in miles, Saucony rocks and other things to be grateful for

I've been feeling really great lately. Running has been on point even with my little trip from the other day. Luckily my ankle has been fine. I have a wee bit of soreness in the arch of my foot and knee but it doesn't really hurt to walk or run so I don't think it's much concern.

I've been feeling super grateful lately. I am a lucky girl in so many ways and for so many reasons.

Tonight I ran pretty speedy (ahem… trying not to say it…for me) and it felt great. 2 miles in 19:20 which is 9:39 average. When I first started running my average was 12:30 - 12:40 with impossible DREAMS of a 11:30 or less.

And what made it even more satisfying is it didn't feel like I was 'racing.' Yes, it felt harder than my long run pace but it was only slightly - medium harder than a comfortable pace. Does that make sense? I still felt I had more in me if I wanted to crank it up or were racing. It's just awesome to be able to look back and track the progress.

Also I really do love daily mile. I love that when Nike craps out (like tonight) I can manually keep track of my miles and pace. Here's my yearly report - not bad.

Finished the year strong!!

And what else do I have to be thankful for?  Never mind a running streak - I'm on a winning streak!! This week I got an Email from Saucony, which I assumed to be the standard Email of thanks for entering our contest blah, blah, blah or advertisement… No what I found out was:

Hello Jennifer,
Thank you for participating in the Saucony Find Your Strong in 2012 Giveaway on our Facebook page and referring friends! I'm reaching out to you because since you referred two or more friends you were eligible for the Grand Prize and were selected as a winner! The Grand Prize is $500 of Saucony Gear!!
Congratulations on being the grand prize winner in the Giveaway and I look forward to hearing from you!

WHAT! GET OUT OF TOWN!!  You know I love Saucony - I mean how many times have I posted my own Saucony sneakers:

Saucony: My very first pair of 'real' running sneakers

And I loved them so much, I bought them again.

And then I got these.

Saucony carried me for my first full marathon

And most recently I got these - current sneakers...

So, needless to say, I am one happy Saucony wearin' winner!! :)

I'm the luckiest and so grateful. $500 smacker-roonies.  I'm going to pick out a great pair of running sneakers, treat myself to a good pair (or two!) compression socks, and then get some other gear.

Want to see some of what I might pick out? Visit Saucony.

And see my name in "lights" on the Saucony Facebook page.

And on a sad note -

I'm also grateful that I've been safe and sound after all of my runs. I'm heartsick and praying for missing runner Sherry Arnold who went out for a run on Saturday morning and is still missing.  SUAR is closely related to her - read more about it here.  It's a reminder that we are vulnerable out there.  Be safe my friends.

XO

Jen

Streak? What streak?

Here I am with all this 'streak' speak the last few posts and yesterday I decided to break the streak.

I was in Atlantic City and having a good time. To be honest, there was really not good reason to not figure out the 'streak' mile other than, I just didn't feel like it. So I didn't make it a priority and I'm OK with that.

The fat lady has sung

Ironically, breaking the streak was the best thing that could've happened for today's run (or at least I'm choosing to believe unstreaking was the reason).  I had a long run of 8 -10 miles planned to day and hit the road. Holy gift-from-God the weather was perfect. I took my slightly over-dressed ass and started running.

It was one of those runs where it was absolutely effortless. The miles seem to fly by and I was in a comfortable groove. I was surprised to when Nike would tell me how fast I was going at the end of my miles but then I would realize that I was sweating and a little out of breath… Guess I was pushing harder than I thought but loving it.

Anyway…

Of course all can't be perfect in love and running and around 4.5 miles in I nicely rolled my left ankle.  Yippee-ki-Ay. Awesome.

There was too much going on - I was sucking down a GU (as I decided i was gonna go 10 miles) running down hill into the wind, and navigating a crazy busy car wash - cars coming in and out. I was looking up trying to make sure that I wasn't going to be crushed by a car which took my eyes off the pavement… I got foiled by a cracked sidewalk.  I barely lift my eyes off the road when I'm running around town because the sidewalks and pavement is just jacked up everywhere. It's like urban trail running.

not even close to as bad as it gets in my 'hood

Sigh.

But it felt OK enough so I ran home.

Funny, in the old days I would justify quitting a run/exercise because of some 'fake' pain and now with real pain, I find a way to justify running on it another four miles.

Loved today's run. Ankle rolling, carwash patron avoiding and all.

Average mile was something around 10:30 which is speedster McGee for me for a long run. (Sorry Jason, it's true.)

Came home iced, rested, elevated. It feels slightly sore but no swelling. I'm thinking it was more strained than sprained.

No streak means rest ankle tomorrow and get back on the road on Monday.

Oh. And in other news - I reached ONE WHOLE YEAR maintaining my weight loss of 90+ pounds! No flash in the pants here. No losing all that weight only to gain it back… Hell no, I'm no statistic. I'm keeping it off this time for good!

Yay.

XO
Jen

PS: Loving all the comments on the blog lately - keep 'em coming I so appreciate it and thank you!

2012 is the year I will...

The other day I reviewed my 2011, now - on the eve of the eve of the new year, I figure that now would be a good time to think about what I'd like to accomplish in the year ahead.

So here we go.

2012 is the year I will…

1.  Run 1012 miles. I was going to shoot for 1000 but figured I'd throw in the extra 12 for good measure. This year I think I'll come in just shy of 850 - so it's not an impossible goal to shoot for but still challenging.

2.  Run a sub 2:20 half marathon.  Last year I ran a 2:24 - so shaving another 4 minutes off - will be challenging but not impossible.

3.  Run another marathon.  I will aim for around 5 hours but am flexible when it comes to time. I am still in the 'just finish' zone of such a goal.

4.  Continue this blog.

5.  Run a sub 28:30 5K.  My last 5K I ran in 28:48 so if I focus and work hard, I should be able to achieve it.

6.  Continue to maintain my weight loss.

7.  Remember to be thankful.  For family, friends, running, love, this blog, I am incredibly blessed.

8.  Remember to ENJOY it.  At the end of the day - goals for speed, miles and marathons are great but the most important part is to embrace it. This isn't a chore, this is a privilege. If it becomes a chore then it's time to reassess - don't let anything steal the joy away. (But don't be too quick to give up either!)

And that's my big running list of to do's will do's.  

Personally, I also want to also keep a cleaner house, get organized, take more chances (when it comes to career stuff) knock on more doors, live life more boldly and confidently and make things happen.

What are some of your 2012 goals?

XO

Jen

A visit to NYC and Brazil all in one day!

I live 15 miles out of NYC so that's not such a stretch. I'm in and out of the city pretty often for work and stuff. Today I had a meeting and a friend and I decided to enjoy the unusually nice weather and visit the flea market in Union Square.

On the way back we spied (well couldn't miss) this GIANT snow globe plopped in the middle of the street.

I immediately needed in.

So we investigated and it was the Brazil tourist board trying to entice people to plan vacations.

They let us into the giant snow globe to "experience" Brazil… So, basically, Brazil is a huge snow globe in the middle of New York City filled with sand, coconuts, flip flops and beach towels with the Brazilian flag on it. Sign me up!

We got a picture of us in the thing.  We are toasting fake drinks. It was nice and toasty in there.

Amy is in the white - I'm in the black - our ten second vacation to "Brazil"

Ironically, The Boring Runner got some Brazilian coffee today from his secret Santa.

All roads lead back to Brazil.

In other news, I ran two miles and did them pretty speedy. I'm nearly 100% so after 3 days of 2 mile runs, gonna try to shoot for a more substantial run tomorrow.

Have you ever been in a giant snow globe before? (HA - I bet not!) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?

XO
Jen

Operation don't overeat on Thanksgiving FAIL

Well I ate too much at Thanksgiving which is really annoying.

I started the day off strong with a bowl of oatmeal, a cup of coffee and a 4.3 mile run around the neighborhood. GO ME!

Then, it was a scramble to shower, pack up the kid and head over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house.

Nana and Poppa (as my son calls them) live about an hour and a half away. I ate the oatmeal around 8am and that was all I ate. By the time we got to my mother's house, I was STARVING and promptly fell face first into a platter of cheese, olives, crackers and (I'm not proud) potato chips and onion dip.  

Oh and what the hell… It's a holiday. Sure. I'll have a bottle glass of vino please.

I was pretty full by the time the bird flew out of the oven but Thanksgiving is my very fav holiday and there was a no retreat, no surrender thing going on internally and like a good soldier (or a very foolish, slightly sloshed and full of junky food girl), I piled on the mashed, the stuffing, the turkey and I don't even know what else… (well I do know what else but I won't bore you with the delicious ridiculous details.)

I rolled from the table (thankfully, I didn't clean my plate) but I was mad at myself for eating waaaay past the point of satisfaction which is something I've worked hard to grasp… 

Of-course I wasn't angry at myself enough not to roll back to the table 45 minutes later for a little dessert and coffee…

Well. Ya know. What can I say? I'm not proud of myself. But I learned something.  Nana and Papa are evil people who tempt me with their goods! Bastards… 

Seriously, I learned that I need to never arrive at a festive affair hungry or I'm a goner.  I should've had some fruit and yogurt post-run or a half a whole grain muffin with a little peanut butter - something to keep starvation at bay and a little control in pocket.

So the bad news: This was a food fail.

The good news: Truthfully, years past I ate all this and more without a second thought. I would of then followed this debacle with a leftover plate around 9PM at night (we eat around 2 PM in the afternoon) and would've had it for breakfast the next day.

Instead, I came home, drank a ton of water and went to bed.

I also would've never exercised (heaven forbid) on a holiday.

Got up this morning and went to a Weight Watcher meeting like it was confession, cleared my soul and started my healthy life over and followed that with a two mile run.  I stopped the bleeding and am carrying on.

For the record - I was up only .2 this week at WW and with long runs coming back and a little focus, I'll take that off by next weigh in.

So I guess it's not so bad after all.

How was your Thanksgiving?

XO

Jen

Running Pays: Thank you universe and Lolo Jones

coolest picture ever Lolo Jones

Running pays.

I've been blessed in this journey to find so many wonderful things and ways it has enhanced my life.

I have found health, weight loss,  confidence, drive and determination.

I have found friends, fire, peace and an inner athlete.

I have found a passion I never knew existed. I have even found a way to fuel my love of writing.

Today I even found money!

During my 3 mile run around the neighborhood this morning, I stumbled upon a crisp dollar bill! :) I found it to be a sign. A sign of all the wonderful things I have found on this journey.

lucky dollar found on run

I didn't start this blog to make money. I still have never made a penny from it. Making anything on this blog has never been the goal (though, if someday it helped fund a pair of running shoes or two - I wouldn't be opposed.)  :)

Truthfully, I started it as a way to keep myself motivated and in the game. I knew that if even just one person was reading this thing, it would help keep me accountable. Especially in the early days when running was so out of my grasp of ways I would define myself.

The blog started to take shape and I found a few key people that have kept me going. People who inspire me everyday. Presently, this blog still keeps me grounded and on-track. I take pride that every once in a while, something I share, whether it's about my own personal struggles or successes might actually inspire someone else or encourage someone else in their own journey.

Yesterday I came home to see a ton of new twitter followers. Hmmm. I was sure it was some kind of spam. I was wrong.

Somehow, in some unexplained way, Lolo Jones, an Olympic hurdler found my blog. She tweeted my "Five crappy excuses I've made to get out of a run" blog. To all 35, 722 followers. WOW!! 

I admire this woman - she is a top-notch athlete and inspiration. She is a class act all the way. The fact that she may have even read my blog gave me an excitement that cannot be explained - the fact that she shared my blog - blew me away. 

So I thought I'd check my blog stats. For those of you who do not blog, it's just a way to see how many people have checked out your blog.

I don't get a ton of hits. Maybe (more or less) around 100 on a good post - 200 on a great one. That's exciting enough for me. Yesterday's 'retweeted' blog? 1949!  WHAT!?

It's just too cool for words.

What do I think will happen with all of this? Well Adsense might eventually deliver me the whopping .06 for that amount of hits -- but whatever. For my little modest blog and my little modest journey to have even one person read it has done my soul good - this was an incredible gift.

Running pays, if you keep your feet on the ground and your head in the game - the blessings are everywhere.

XO

Jen