Day 25 - 120 days to go -So what? I'm still a rockstar

This was not my most stellar week when it came to healthy moves.  In fact, several awful habits returned in a big way.  Demons I had thought I had killed, came back alive and kicking. 

This week, in my battle of woman vs food, food won.  Kind of.

It was a week of challenges and set backs, but I did learn a few things:

10.  I will always want to turn to food for comfort.   

On the surface, I’ve made huge strides in this.  I no longer have a bad day “at the office” and automatically turn to pizza. This week, however, between the toe injury, still thinking about the move,  missing my son, traveling/being away and just feeling “off,” was a perfect storm for my inner emotional Audrey to cry out, “feed me.”  And I ate.  Knowing this is the monster that will come after me, I just have to figure out ways to be better prepared next time.  

9.  Emotionally eating sucks.  

It really just gets you more bummed out.  Fatty, salty food doesn’t really comfort you and reckless eating just makes you feel blech and out of control, it also becomes a slippery slope of momentum in the wrong direction.

8.  Don't underestimate the power of exercise (or lack of).  

I cried a lot this week and I think it has everything to do with not running  I turned to food to fill the missing gap of endorphins, energy and charge I get from moving – If I ever suffer an injury again I'll need to figure out what I can turn to instead.  I already have plans to find something to do even with the bum toe.  Sitting on a boring stationary bike for 20 mins and doing some upper body at the gym, will make me feel better than doing nothing.

7.  Today is temporary.  

I will get through it.  A bad day or week of eating doesn’t have to define me.  It doesn’t undo all the great strides I’ve made, it doesn’t cancel my half marathon, or even the first step I ever ran.  I’ve done great things.  I’m choosing to celebrate the many, many weeks of awesome rather than put too much into the one week of crapola.  A month from now, I’ll barely remember what I ate in this crappy week, a year from now, I won’t remember it at all.

6.  You need a bad week once in a while to keep you humble and appreciative.  

I thought I was on fire.  I’m a runner and a whole grain choosing, low (but healthy fat), lean protein craving, clean-eating machine!  Mac and cheese – yuck!  Ice cream?  Not me.  Me and Jack La Laine can be juicing buddies!  I’m soooooo healthy!  Well I got knocked right off of my high “food superior “horse.  There was some ugly eating being done.  Processed, white flour, possibly even some trans fat ugliness…  I’m not above it.  I have to respect that I’m a  hobbled skip and a big mac step away from health undoing..  and  never take for granted the hard work it is for me to keep it right.

5.  I have the power over my choices and can stop the downfall at any time.  

I know this, we all know this.  Why I forget this – I don’t know.  Why didn’t I stop the landslide of bad food choices on Monday?  I don’t know.  That’s definitely a fall back to an old bad habit and one that I have to work out.

4.  Prolonged guilt is useless.  

Yes I’m battling this.  I think that guilt over most things is good for a second because it tips you off that something isn’t right with your universe.  But then, GET OVER it.  Guilt should be the number one sign that you have a lesson to learn.  Don’t ignore it  rather acknowledge it, forgive yourself and find the lesson.  Learn, grow and move on.  I’m going to turn this thing into a positive and figure out how to do better next time.

3.  Nine good toes still rock.  

Do you have one bad toe or nine good ones?  It’s kind of funny but totally true.  If you only had 6 good toes, having 9 would be a blessing!  Reframing helps but takes time.  At first you really just want to be bummed but at some point you have to choose to feel better and pull yourself out of the hole.

2.  Make a plan and take action  

I have made a decision that the week ahead is going to be a great one.  I’m going to eat well, exercise, balance my time and get what I need to get accomplished, accomplished.  I’m making my lists and putting it in the universe.

1.  When all else fails...

To quote Pink, “So what?  I’m still a rock star, I’ve got my rock moves, and I don’t need food….”  So nah, nah, nah, nah! (Ok I paraphrased the food part…)  I know what I need to do to succeed.  And even on a bad day I have what it takes.  I just have to remember to always respect my inner rock star.  Rock Stars party like, well, Rock Stars - they shake off the hang over, wipe away the guilt and get out there and rock it, they bring it and make no apologies for the occasional stumble.  

You know what? I take it back.  In this battle of Woman vs Food, food did not win.  I won.  I won because I might’ve had some food this week but FOOD DOES NOT HAVE ME.  

Rock on with your bad self.

XO

Jen

Day 23 - 122 days to go - on the mend

I'm on the mend physically and emotionally.

I haven't been in a good place lately.  The toe thing really undid me.  It wasn't just the physical pain.  Yes it hurt like hell but emotionally it threw me for an unexpected loop.

As you know, there's been a lot of changes for me lately.  While I try to remain upbeat and positive, there are some things that have been tough.  A move from a house to an apartment, a new writing job that requires focus, a company that I'm still committed to making work, the continued struggle to lose weight and keep the running momentum going.

The toe stopped me in my tracks.  The last few days have been harrowing because the doc wrapped it tightly in gauze which promptly adhered to my raw toe.  I soaked it for two days straight and this gauze wouldn't budge from the sore, tender skin.  It was painful and I felt so helpless.  I'm in Los Angeles this week for meetings and I am all sorts of out of sorts.  Tears have been flowing and I've just have felt yucky.  I've been eating too much crap, limping with the dumb injury and have had zero running.

I just couldn't figure out why all the crying.  Sure it hurt but I'm pretty tough.  I'm not a crier over pain, usually.  I pop an advil and deal but this was getting to me in a big, big way and I've felt emotionally fragile all week - it's not been pretty for my poor friends to have to deal with (Thank you Angela!)

I finally got it.  I think.  One, the toe has laid me out.  I'm metaphorically and literally feeling out of control.  I am limited and out of my element - so the stress of it all is magnified times a million for me emotionally, through this physical thing.

Two, I've become very used to literally running away from my problems.  Bad day?  Run it out.  Not only can't I deal with the emotional issues I'm having right now by running but to make matters worse, I'm not getting my adreneline pumping, I'm not getting flooded with those happy endorphins AND I'm comfort eating and feeling crappy about that.  It's really a perfect storm of yuck for someone like me.

I had to finally go to the ER to get the friggen guaze removed.  The doc there fixed me up and the toe and I are on a road to recovery.  I'll be on the run again soon.

XO
Jen

day 21 - 124 days to go -this just sucks

*WARNING:  This blog will contain lots of whining.  You are cordially invited to my pity party.

So it's been a rough few days.  Yesterday I went to the doc to have my toe looked at and it was determined that the nail would have to be removed!

OUCH.  That sucked.

And what sucks more is that it's tender and I can't even get a sock on, never mind a sneaker.  Not to mention that walking kind of hurts.  Running is out for the time being.  Here's a picture of my toe all mummied and bandaged up.  Booo...

Grumbling.

Of-course, I had to travel with bum toe to LA last night - and while here in La-la land, I had images of running along the beach, taking in different paths, feeling fit, and generally just feeling healthy.  Now I'm just (trying not to) feel grumpy.

Pout.  I can't even wear cute shoes to my meetings... WAHHHHH!

Oh well.  Hopefully it'll start to ease soon.

I am trying to count my blessings which are:

-I don't have any big races coming up - this could've happened a day before the 1/2 and I would've been beyond devastated

-I still have nine good toes

-It's late May opposed to mid-January so wearing flip flops, acceptable and practical

-I can hobble around pretty well -- some people get injured and they can't walk

-My hands are still in working order - all fingers are operating perfectly

So there's always the bright side, I guess.

XO

Jen

Day 19 - 126 days to go - running questionable

UGH.

So today I woke up and had a million things to do, I planned on running tomorrow since I had a full plate today.

Fine.

I hustled around and did what I had to.  I wound up doing my errands in flip flops.  I almost never really wear flip flops anymore but today I did.

In my haste, don't ask me how, i somehow got my big toe stuck under a door and slammed my toe around with the door -it hurt like hell and now I have a big toe injury.  I mean it's purple and swollen and I think I did something really funky with the nail under the skin.  Like I jammed the nail up and back.  Yuck.  I can barely put weight on it... and to make matters worse it's super ugly.  It's like fraken-toe.

Of course I travel tomorrow and that's going to be joyous but even more upsetting is the thought of not getting to run tomorrow and what this means for the next few days.

SOOOOO annoying.  Such a dumb injury.  I'm super aggravated.  I am going to find a podiatrist tomorrow to look at it and I'm hoping for the best.

I hate set backs.  My toe might be down but hopefully I won't be out.

Day 18 - 127 days to go - Great Weigh in!

Despite a tough week, it seems just keeping on keeping on worked.  I lost 3 pounds this week and down a total of 70!!

Yay!

In a hurry tell ya more tomorrow!!

xo
Jen

Day 17 - 128 days to go - still lagging but not quitting

I went to the gym today and started off strong, alternating between running a 5.0 -6.0 did great for about the first mile and a half and then got lazy.  Wound up running/walking for about 33 minutes and then called it a day.

Wanted to do more but I am hitting a wall.  Mentally I'm having a hard time getting past 3 miles.  I get bored, hot and tired.  My knees started bothering me from running harder and I just wanted to wrap.'

The upside and good news is, I'm still going.  I've run four times this week when I had no desire to really run at all most of the time.  I haven't waved the flag and I haven't quit.  This is all good news.

I guess it's all about treading water until I'm ready to swim again.

XO
Jen

Day 16 - 129 days to go - running around the new town...

I'm feeling overwhelmed with stuff.  The new NJ.com blogging job is a blast.  It's a gig that's got my name all over it.  Writing, saving money, chit chatting with people about all kinds of stuff when it comes to shopping and deals - bring it on, but, it's a week in which I moved to a new house and I just feel like my plate is starting to over-flow.

Today I ran for about a half hour.  It was nice.  It was probably a little shy of 3 miles and I really need to get motivated for pushing myself a little more.  I feel like I'm copping out on these 20-30 mins runs.  I guess they are better than nothing but not really a good excuse for slacking.  Although, I truly believed my run was longer (and further.)  I got totally faked out.

I run without a watch.  Since this was my first time running around the new town and I kind of lost myself in a maze of neighborhoods - I lost track of time.  It didn't seem like I was out there too long but when I passed a clock in the middle of town and it read 10AM (exactly a half an hour since I had left the house) I believed it.  I figured it took me another 15 mins to get home so I guestimated that I had been running for about 45 mins by the time I got home.  I was wrong.  The clock was broken and I had only run for a 1/2 hour.  C'est la vie.

I'll try again tomorrow.

xo
Jen

Day 15 - 130 days to go - to marathon or 1/2 marathon - that is the question

So that damn Biggest Loser.  Here I am for a third time, writing an entry about something that happened on BL...  Next week is the finale, what the hell am I gonna talk about once the show is over?

Sigh.

Anyway, last night the final four ran a fricken marathon.  I was happy for them.  I really was.  You all know how I buy into this show.  I root for these people, cheer them on at the scale, let them inspire me... and then they run 26 miles and though I was happy and inspired, it also irritated me.

I had finally come to the comfortable decision that Hal was right, that I should be running at least a year before making any kind of 26 mile commitments.  I finally felt settled that I would strive to run the 1/2 at the rock n roll marathon in December.  As it is, I've been struggling to get back into running more than 3 miles at a time the last few weeks.  I felt that taking on a marathon would be too much and probably way too ambitious and then there they were, on Biggest Loser, running 26 miles.

Daris did it in just over 4 hours!  (Hello!?  only 45 minutes more than my half!) and the rest did it in six hours or so.

And that's where the irritation comes in.  Those four BL people prove that it's possible.  Ashley and Michael still have significant weight to lose and they did it.  Why can't I?  Why shouldn't I?

Sigh.

I guess I can run a fricken marathon.  Now it's just about wanting to.

XO
Jen

PS:  I am officially a PAID Blogger!  I am writing the shopping blog for NJ.COM - I post five deals a day and a few conversational pieces.  My column can be found here:  Jen's NJ.com shopping blog - My editors keep track of how much traffic I get so pleaaaassse try to visit when you can.  Post a comment if something seems interesting!!

Day 14 - 131 days to go - still off but dealing

Today was just one of those days.  I won't bore you with all the bitchin' and moanin' about the bumps in the road but they were there.

I kept trying to remind myself of all the good in my life, even though I was still pretty cranky it helped a little.

With a mountain of stuff to do I had easily written off any kind of running for the day.  It was pouring and I was frustrated and overwhelmed.  Nicole reminded me that running is good therapy- when she said it, it was like a lightbulb went on.  So as soon as I found a small window of time, I took my attitude and i-Pod to the gym and ran for 20 minutes.  It wasn't fast and it wasn't far but it felt good and I definitely walked out feeling better than when I walked in.

With the week I've had, it would've been "easier" for me to have blown it off and chalked it up to "too busy."  It would've been "easier" for me to have dug into some ice cream or to have soothed the crankies away with a pizza.  But dealing with the feelings of disappointment in myself and letting myself down - dealing with those emotions that come with letting myself get careless, not easy.  Dealing with tighter pants and a crappy weigh in, not easy.

While my week hasn't been perfect, I'm happy to say that today in the battle of woman vs food.  Woman won.

XO

Jen

Day 13 - 132 days to go - out of sorts

This moving thing has really thrown me off!  My eating has been atrocious and I really am not looking forward to having to weigh in on Saturday.  It's going to be scary - I feel puffier.  I'm trying not to freak out.  Life happens.  We (actually, I, I can only speak for myself) - I can't be 100% perfect all the time.

I have to figure out the grey area and not get tempted into chucking it all because of a few rocky, stressful days of take out and eating on the go.

Thank God for that 5K yesterday I really needed it.

For the record, when I posted the time yesterday, I gave myself a full minute by accident.  After doing the math and looking at my notes, I did it in 36:53.... I guess it was wishful thinking that I thought it was 35:53!  Oh well.  Kind of like when I first started going to Weight Watchers 10 years ago and told the lady that I was 5'7 only to learn that I was 5'5.  The horror.  I mean I truly believed I was 5'7, so it was sad and shocking to all of a sudden be 2 inches less.

I'm still satisfied with the time, according to Map my run the pace averages to 11:54 and the speed 5.04... breaking the 5 mph mark makes me happy :)

Anyway, here are some pictures from yesterday's 5K:

Frannie and I pre-race:

And here we are post race - victorious!

Hope you all had a fantastic Monday, see you tomorrow.

I think I'll try to get in a run tomorrow.  Need to get back into the groove.

XO
Jen

5K Today!

Hello there and happy Sunday!

I am at a friends house on his lap top - I am soo used to my own computer that this thing seems foreign.  (I'm a mac - he's clearly a PC...)

But determined to carry on my blogging dedication, I am using this damn PC at this guys house.

So today was a great running day - at my friend Nicole's suggestion, I signed up for the, "Race the Palisades 5K for Diabetes" race.  Frannie a long-time friend, joined me for her first run!

She did excellent!  It was her first and not only did she run the entire time but she finished about 10 (probably more!) ahead of me.  I can't wait for her to run her first half with me in September!  :) 

Thanks, Frannie for inspiring me!  So many times I wanted to walk.  I was so thirsty (WTF - not one water station!)  Also there was no signs or cheerleaders like I experienced at the last two runs I did.  This was fun because it was such a gorgeous day but the run itself was pretty no frills. 

In any case, if Frannie wasn't plugging along, I think I might've walked some, especially in the last mile where most of it was uphill!

The no frills worked to our advantage because not stopping for water probably added a good minute or two to my final time which was 35:53 or so.  YAY!  I think that's almost a full five-six minutes better than my first one just a month and a half ago!  :)

Tomorrow when I've got my own 'puter back - I'll post some pics.

XO
Jen

Day 11 - 134 days to go - on the move 2

I got nothing but moving.

No weight watchers meeting (first one I've missed in probably more than 6 months,) no weigh-in,  no running.  Just moving.

And that's all I got.

Crappiest blog ever award.

XO
Jen

PS:  I am excited about my race tomorrow!  Too bad I have to rush home after, they are having a big festival complete with free BBQ hot dogs, burgers and stuff.  O well.

Day 10 - 135 days to go - on the move

Tomorrow is move day - yee ha.  It's the end of this chapter and on to the next.  I'm sad to leave my home and neighborhood but looking forward to new adventures.

Today I was in packing hell and with boxes up to our ears, there is no end in sight.  Luckily, the closing isn't for a while so if were not 100% ready we can still come back and forth with stuff.  Not ideal but it's fine.


I didn't run today but last night I was fiddling around with Map My Run and found this area that actually shows you all these overall stats - How cool is this!  I've run 133.07 miles in a month and 6 days!  LOL - and have burned over 16,000 calories.  Not bad for a months work.  :)  Have a great weekend.  Not sure I'll post tomorrow night because I won't have internet and I'm not so sure I want to write a blog post on my  Blackberry, tho, I've done stranger things.  

Stats

MapMyPoints: 1170
Member Since: 03/08/2010
Total Maps: 10
Total Workouts: 39
Total Distance: 133.07 mi.
Total Burned: 16,325 (kcal)

Workout Summary

Gym / Health Club: 19
Run: 15
Sports / Activities: 1
Walk: 4

Green Stats 

Total Workout Days: 38
Distance Traveled: 133.07 mi.
Gas Saved: 7.39 gallons
Money Saved: $25.73
Carbon Offset: 143.1 lbs. of CO2

Day 9 - 136 days to go - a mile for mayo

Son of a bitch.  Foiled again, people.  In our move and rushing around, The hubby and I decided to drive thru Burger King.  I'm still trying to lose weight so already I'm a little panicked.

Now i haven't had Burger King in at least a year, so I wasn't sure what I was going to order.  Maybe a whopper jr., no cheese, no mayo?  Maybe a salad with nothing?  Ugh.  It's been a while, so I was surprised to see the option of a "Morning Star" Veggie burger.  OK, score.  I'm not naive enough to think this is a perfect meal - the all white bread sesame seed bun is not awesome and there's a good chance that there's some kind of added fats snuck into the veggie patty but it is better than the Whopper with Cheese I was beginning to kind of fantasize about...

So we drive away and pull up to the new place.  Husband digs into some monstrosity of a burger (that I kindly told him will leave me a widow if he keeps that up... yeah that went over big...) and I dug into the veggie burger... that was slathered in mayo.  REALLY?  Mayo?  How about a little heads up on that one.  I would've asked for them to hold it if in a million years I thought mayo might cover my veggie burger.  UGH.  SOOOO annoying.  And listen.  Mayo is delicious.  In the day it was my favorite condiment.  So did I throw it away?  Hell no.  The mayo was probably the best part of the effing veggie burger - but that, is besides the point.

I friggen hate when seemingly healthy food choices go bad.  Don't you?  Don't you hate when you go to a restaurant really trying to make a good choice only to learn that instead of the grilled chicken salad you could've ordered the BBQ Ribs combo and still would've eaten less calories. It's just wrong.

Anyway, so I was feeling guilty and once again wasn't going to run today because it was a full on day of lifting boxes, packing and moving but once I got my son situated and my husband on the couch, - those sneakers called to me... Burn off the mayo, baby.

I didn't have a lot of time - Hubby had to go in 15 minutes so I threw on the sneaks and bolted around the hood - about a mile and a half and did it at a 5.3 pace partially up a very steep hill.  I was panting and sweating but I made every second of that 1.5 count and I think I burned up the mayo!

XO
Jen

Day 8 - 137 days to go - looking straight ahead

Today I wasn't going to run since I ran yesterday but I decided to do a little twenty minute run anyway.  It felt really great.  I did it on the treadmill and pushed myself to run most of it between 5.0 - 6.0 - I've come a long way from a month ago (and thus part of the reason I love MAP MY RUN - you really get to track your progress)  A month ago my average runs was around 4.0  on long run days I was around 3.8.  Now I'm averaging over 4.5 and upwards to 5.2.

Still slowish in comparison, the crappy mean voice in my head tries to tell me.

You know how I love me some Biggest Loser - right?  One of the contestants, Michael, the biggest competitor to ever be on the show by topping the scales at over 500 pounds had a melt down in the middle of this episode.

Michael has shed more than a 192 pounds and has been shattering records left and right.  He's looking good and doing great.  Surely he's an inspiration to anyone who sees him.  He's literally working his butt off.

But he must know the mean person who lives in my head because she got to him too this week.

He was angry, sad, distraught that even after 192 pound weight loss he was still needing to shop in the "Big and Tall" for his makeover.  He was frustrated that he is still over 300 pounds and more than a hundred pounds from his goal.  He was so upset that it almost caused him to stop running five inches from the finish line.  And oh my God how I could relate.

I struggle to not compare myself.  Running 4.5 isn't good enough because "so and so" can run it at 5.0.  Or even my post yesterday - so what that you ran 2.5 miles straight, you should've done 4!  Or yeah, I'm in a size 12 (the occasional 10 now) but 'she' just had a baby and she's still thinner! Or so on and so on.  It's my nature to never be good enough.  Even with my 1/2 marathon victory, the voice nags... "you shouldn't have walked so much!  Girls who were heavier than you were running right by you!  You could've done better."  Don't get me wrong,  I am proud of my accomplishment but still fight the fight of the negative.

So anyway, back to Biggest Loser and Michael.  Bob the trainer told him that, "It's all relevant.  It's not about anybody else but you.  Do not lose focus, do not look sideways."

And he's right.  Wise words, Bob.  Easier said than done but I'm going to try to remember not to look sideways too much.

XO
Jen

Day 7 - 138 days to go and learning to live in the grey.

Ah.  Today I ran for thirty minutes.  Not far (only about 2.5 miles) and not super fast (about 4.6 mph) but it was enough to get my heart rate up, endorphins pumping and my mood better.  It was nice and cool in the dirty Jerz - perfect running weather.

I've been a little overwhelmed this week (new blogging gig - I go live next week + packing for move) and a little unmotivated to push myself to the extreme right now, so I'm dealing with looking for balance.  For being comfortable in the "grey" area.

I'm great at black and white.  All or nothing.  Good or bad.  In school I either got an A or an F - few times would I get anything in between and I must admit, I must fight the urge to do that now.

In the past I would either be 100% on a diet or off.  It was lettuce and carrots or bacon cheeseburgers and milkshakes.  Now I'm learning compromise.  Like a lean hamburger and a half a slice of low fat cheese with a little baked sweet potato fry can be figure friendly and doable.  It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

I've been working at balancing my diet for a long time now, so I'm actually proud of my progress as far as not having that all or nothing mentality so much any more.

But I've found myself the last few days struggling with running.  Like feeling guilty if I'm not planning to run for 4 or 5 miles and almost deciding not to bother at all.  I have struggled to not beat myself up over my choice to do shorter runs.  I actually said out loud in this blog a week ago that I would take it easier for two weeks before kicking into training gear again.  I believe my body (that is still a little creaky) deserved a bit of a break.  It's still hard not to drive myself crazy.  I have that voice inside that says - "you're going to lose it all if you don't keep up a more aggressive training."  And then another insecure voice trying to tell me, "2.5 miles isn't even worth putting your shoes on.  The marathon was a nice little experiment but obviously you are through."   I think I might even be a little lost without a plan. Like when I was training, I knew what I needed to do on what days.  Now it's all willy nilly and up to me to decide what I do and when.  To keep going or let it be over.

But I don't want it to be over.  I am battling the black and white.  Running from the all or nothing mentality that always wants to plague me.   And dammit those smaller runs still mean something to me.  At one time, those smaller runs would've been a pretty huge run for me.  To run for thirty minutes straight is something I would've never dreamt I could do.

Today, I made the decision that a smaller run is better than no run.  I lived in the grey and it felt pretty good.

XO
Jen

Day 6 - thank God I have 139 days...

Thank God I have a 139 days before my next half because at this rate I will need every last one of them.

I'm feeling cranky today and on top of it, didn't get my run in.

I'm moving this week, leaving my home for an apartment and I think the overwhelming task of packing up everything and the emotional turmoil of leaving a house and neighborhood I love is starting to take it's toll in the form of a snappy and crappy mood.

So my apologies for a lame blog.  Not an interesting or witty tidbit in sight.  Tomorrow I will run and I will work back to a decent mood.

Any tips for getting in a better mood that doesn't involve alcohol or ice cream?  :)

XO
Jen

Day 5 - only 140 days to go! Curses! Foiled again by a dastardly waiter!

The wedding was fabulous and mother's day was nice too...

But I overindulged.

I totally ate too much and would have to run from Jersey to the moon to burn off the calories.

Uck.  What are you going to do?  The evil waiter with the lamb chops totally made me do it.  After trying to turn down a second (after eating a bunch of other delectable things on napkins) he looked at me and said, "why wouldn't you eat another - they are delicious - what?  You make these everyday at home?"  No, I sure don't.  Nor do I make brie, mini creme brulees, or homemade ice cream fudge sundaes in waffle cone bowls.   Yeah.  It was like that.  Plus alcohol and some other tasty things along the way.

Just when I think I've become a lean, clean eater who wants to avoid sugar, carbs, and fat -- I get attacked by deliciousness in every corner.

Oh well.  Back on track tomorrow - I need not go back to a size 16 but whomever said that nothing tastes as good as feeling thin feels, never tasted a mini creme brulee-  because that's pretty close :)

I've kinda come to a Vegas marathon decision...

The decision is, I'm going to make my decision in September.  The entry fee is pretty hefty so I'm going to guess that it won't sell out (but I'll keep my eye on it.)  I'm going to train for a full marathon and then see where I'm at and how I'm feeling in September on October 1st I will be signing up or not signing up but a decision will be made.  Either way,  I'm going to try to get to Vegas to support Angela in her amazing decision to run her first full!  Can't think of a more exciting reason to go anyway!

XO
Jen

PS:  after checking out the marathon training schedule, the first thing Hal says is, "you should already be running for at least a year..."  Hmmph.

Day 4 - only 141 days to go! Saturday Weigh in

Well, I only lost .4 or something at WW this week -- even running a marathon doesn't make it fall off :)

Eh, it doesn't even make me mad anymore.  I'm working hard, I'm feeling good and my blood pressure is excellent (120/70 as of yesterday!) Life is good and I'll get to my goal weight sooner or later - even if it's .2 or .4th of a pound at a time.

I did a VERY short run today - I have a lot going on and limited time but I thought a little spin around the neighborhood couldn't hurt.  It was only a 1.25 miles but I tried to pick up the pace since I knew it was short.  I did it in my best pace yet (5.2 mph!)  Sooo happy to break the 5.0 mark even if it was such a short run.  (It's about an 11.5 minute mile...) I'm getting there!

Tonight I get to wear my size 10 dress.  :)

If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right.
Henry Ford 


I thought I'd post this quote off the heals of the can vs. want blog from Thursday night.  I loved it when I found it.


For the record, I'm still not sure about whether I should sign up for the full marathon in December.  A friend told me (and he meant no harm) that marathons are for athletes -- that they are miserable and that people who've run their whole lives run them.  "13 miles is one thing, Jen and I have no doubt that your heart and head could do it but physically, you might want to give yourself another year..."


Huh.  Well if anything makes me want to do something, it's the desire to prove someone wrong!


We'll see, for now I'll keep thinking about it.


Have a fab Saturday and Happy Momma's day.


XO
Jen

Day 3 - only 142 days to go! Tempting, tempting...

Hello there and happy Friday!

A few of you have said that you might want to take up running - BRAVO!  If you look down to the right of this blog, there's three different links for training.

If you are a beginner and never really ran before, start with the About.com link to run 30 minutes in 3 weeks.

Once you've got that, move on to the 1/2 marathon training guide.

If you are already an expert runner and considering going for the real deal - the bottom link is a 26 mile marathon training guide.

So decisions, decisions.

My running buddy Angela, just told me she's going for a full marathon on Dec. 5th in Vegas - It's called, "the Rock n Roll" marathon.

Rock and Roll?  Vegas?   Wow, if they were handing out shots of tequila instead of shots of gatorade i would've already signed up!  Sounds like my kind of race!

Anyhoo -- I'm really, really tempted to sign up for the full.  I mean what an enormous challenge - it would be a huge feat to go from barely being able to run for a minute in February to running a full marathon in under a year.

I don't know what I want.

I mean for all my BS yesterday with Want VS Can't...  JEEZE am I being challenged.

I am afraid of failure, I am afraid of it hurting, I am not sure I can commit to any type of long run day that would equate to five or six hours of running.  OMG!  Yet, there's a nagging voice, somewhere... maybe it's from hell for all I know but this voice is saying, "Go for it."  And then there's the voice that is saying - "what are you nuts?"  But then again, that voice told me I was nuts when I decided to run 13.

Sigh.  I've got to give this some thought.

In the meantime, I decided to do an easy 2 miles today.  It was a fun run and my best pace (4.9 - sooo close to that 5.0 or better I'm striving for!)

XO
Jen

Day 2 - only 143 days to go - I just can't...

I can't.  I've been thinking about, "I can't" all day.

Recently, I've had three separate conversations with three random friends all telling me how they would "love to do a marathon someday, but they can't."

Now all three of these people are in better shape than I.  Two run as forms as exercise and the third is overall generally athletic.  They certainly can run for more than a minute which is where I started out at.  All three could probably kick my ass in a 5k on any given day and I'm pretty sure that none of them are in double number sized jeans.

So what do you mean you can't?  Yeah.  You can.  And that's good news!

So what is holding you back?  It's want.  You've gotta really want to do it.  

Trust me, I'm not judging,  I've lived in "I can't world" my whole fricken life.  

Look, I know there's lots of reasons why you don't want to run 13 or 26 miles.  Maybe you don't want to risk taking on something so big.  Maybe you don't want to face down the fear of failure.  Maybe you don't want to risk injury or feeling sore all the time.  Maybe you don't want to spend the money, maybe you don't want to sacrifice getting out of bed earlier, going out of the house after dinner for some training or burning part of your weekend on a long run that takes 2 hours.  Maybe you are afraid to piss off your spouse or lose time with your family.  It's all legit and fair reasons to not want to do something.  It's still not worthy of can't.

Not wanting something is actually fine.  My friend Amy has clearly said, "she'd never want to run a marathon."  That I can respect.  She hates heat, crowds, and moving for that long would be hell for her.  Cool.  But if you "want" to do this and keep saying but "you can't" you are really ripping yourself off.

My point is this, if we really want something, there's no room for the word can't.  We can do anything we set our minds to - cliche but true.

If I really wanted a clean house, I'd be cleaning right now instead of blogging.  It would be easier to say, "well, I can't because I have to blog and it's late and the baby is sleeping and you know..." but truly I am making a choice.  

And again I reiterate - that's excellent news.  Personally, I've come to learn that "can't" is one of the most powerfully self-limiting words you can throw out there.  It's definite.  It closes the door, it implies impossibility and never.  I think it shuts you down - cuts you off.  When you can change the word to want instead of can't - it at least gives you back power .  Once you change the word - you pick up choices - you can figure out why you want or don't want something and then tackle those obstacles, trouble shoot concerns or figure out how to make it work.

Making big plans, dreaming big dreams and shooting for big goals is out of our comfort zone - but the only way to grow is to balls to the wall go for things.  Whether it's a marathon or anything else- shoot for it!  Work hard for it, find a path, figure a way.  Aren't you worth going for everything you want instead of settling for can't?

And by the way, me too.  I'm in this boat.  Yeah, I did the 1/2 thing but there's probably a dozen other dreams that I limit with the "c" word too... I'm going to work on that.

XO

Jen

My New 1/2 marathon goal... Day one - only 144 days to go

I found my new 1/2 marathon to run today.

It's the Newport Run in Jersey City NJ on September 26th -- I have all summer to train for it and my new goal is to run it in 2:50 or under - which would make it almost a full 30 minutes quicker than the one I just did.

The Disneyland one is September looks fun but I'm not sure I can financially commit to a trip - if I do a Disney one, I am considering the one in January at Disney World.  We'll see.

Here's the link to the Jersey City one:  RUN WITH JEN!! CHECK IT OUT!

It's 145 days away - so all of you peeps who've said that you are interested in getting serious about running -- this is one with plenty of time to prepare and one that's in a pretty decent time of the year (average high is 74 degrees.)

And a lot of the run is along the water - how pretty does it look!?  Jersey City sure has changed since I was a kid.

Take it from this former size 16, who could only run for one minute on February 8th when I started - nothing will give you more of a sense of accomplishment than for you to say, "Yeah.  Let's do this thing." And then follow through.  It's work but it's not impossible.  Feel free to e-mail me if you need help getting started with training.  Jenroe@me.com

Speaking of running, got back to the gym today.  I'm still a little achey from the marathon but I didn't want to let the momentum die.  Ran pretty good for a mile (between 5.0 - 6.0) which is good speed for me.  Then did another mile kind of slower - fast walk/run - everything was starting to hurt after the first mile so I thought, I'd better slow my roll and not over do it.  Tomorrow I'll get in a non-running work out and I'll try to run again on Friday.

For you runners - Do you ever not get sore muscles again?  I'm waiting for the day that I can run hard and be OK - is that impossible?

XO
Jen

lessons from the marathon -

I'm feeling a little sore but figure I'll try to run a few miles tomorrow to get back into the groove.

I really am planning on running another soon, not sure which one yet but at least I'll be a little better prepared for what to expect so if you ever put a marathon on your to do list - here's a little heads up:

1.  Experiment with your pre-race meal.  Don't wait as I did to find that a burger and fries the night before will do nothing but have you toss and turn until you eventually get sick at 3 AM - not so awesome the night before the day you've been training for, for 3 months.

2.  Anticipate delays, crowds and leave early.  I had so much anxiety because (even though we rented a room with-in a few miles of the shuttle to the start) we sat in bumper to bumper traffic the 1/2 mile to park.  We made it.  But, if we hadn't stayed close I could see easily being too late and what a bummer that would be.  Not only would you lose the $100+ dollar registration fee but the disappointment of not getting to compete would be devastating.

3.  Have a plan but be flexible.  I went in swearing I'd run 4-6 miles before walking, "no matter what." Well that was before realizing it was going to be a record busting million degrees (really 90+) with humidity.  We ran pretty hard for the first 3 miles and then realized if we were to live thru this race and not die of heat stroke, we would have to adjust.  So we walked and then ran, then hydrated and ran and walked.  It wasn't the fastest time but we didn't die and we made it to finish line.

4.  Just 'cause you got to the finish line, doesn't mean it's over.  At the Jersey Shore marathon, it was a good 1/2 mile walk back to the shuttle bus line and then we had to wait on line for a full hour in the sun.  This was worse than running 13 miles.  Luckily, we found water and my friend Amy bought a bag of frozen peas to help me cool my over-heated body.  I don't even know how you prepare for such a thing but a little heads up.

5.  It's hard, a challenge and everything you think running 13 miles might be but it really can be fun if you find the fun.  Running with Angela was great.  We laughed at the homemade signs, ran thru water sprayed hoses like giddy kids, thanked the Gods for the occasional good breeze.  We admired gorgeous homes and even pulled a few disco moves as we ran to keep things goofy but interesting.  Like anything in life - it's all about attitude.

XO
Jen

I'm hooked

Ah... I still feel the after glow of yesterday's exciting event!

It's kind of like childbirth.  

At first, you make the decision to do it, and then the reality sinks in.  You're excited, scared, nervous, not sure you'll be able to pull it off.  Then, you prepare, though you never feel quite prepared enough.  And then the big day arrives.  And you realize it's more work than you thought, the pain starts and you begin second guessing everything.  The pain sometimes gets so bad, you're not sure you're gonna make it and you swear to yourself, you'd never do it again and question why you are here now!  But you push and push and finally an end is in sight!  And then, your pain becomes overshadowed by sheer joy and happiness.  The pain is still there but it doesn't matter.  It was all worth it.  And by the next day, you think to yourself, that wasn't so bad, I could do that again.  :)

A few people have told me that running marathons are addicting.  Yeah.  I can see that.

This blog and I are not going anywhere - so if you feel like sticking around, I'm going to figure out another journey - which includes a 5K in two weeks (I'm going for a better speed!) And obviously another marathon in my future... next one I'm going to shatter this whimpy speed I did this time.    

In other news... 

While I'm still a ways away from my weight loss goal, I went shopping today for a dress for my friend's wedding.  I went with friends Angela & Amy who's a fashion stylist.  I proudly pulled size 12's off the rack to try on... and wouldn't you know it?  I had to get the dress I decided to purchase in a SIZE TEN!!  Which I wouldn't have ever known if Amy wasn't with me.  I would've just bought the 12, not realizing it could possibly be too big...  I mean who knew!?  WOO HOOOO!!  So though, I've only lost 11 pounds since starting this running thing - I guess I've lost some inches.  

Ang took a picture of me in the dress:  

I was just trying it on for her - but I think it'll be cute when I have a little make up on and accessorize.  

So if you are reading this and have been toying with the idea of whether you should run or not - I say, do it.  You have only one life to live - what are you waiting for?

XO

Jen

DAY 1: The REST OF MY LIFE AS A WINNER! VICTORY!

I DID IT!!  I DID IT!!  I DID IT!!  I ran 13.1 miles!!  YAY!!!!  AND the universe really tested to see if  I was for real about this journey or just messing around.  Oh yes, it did.

After my burger and fries last night, I couldn't sleep.  I kind of tossed and turned until 3:30 AM until I got up and was sick to my stomach.  REALLY?  One cheese burger and I'm up all night with nausea and heartburn.  UGH!  No sleep and tummy ache.  BOO.  Luckily, after being sick, I was able to get a good solid two hours of sleep in which was more than I thought I'd get.

No sweat.

Then we get up and the rumors are true.  Record breaking heat and humidity.  Honestly?  Come on, now.  Mother nature, work with me here!!

"PAIN IS TEMPORARY

PRIDE IS FOREVER"

That was a quote that someone had posted and it was my mantra that got me through this run -- 

the locals were fantastic, hosing us down with water:

Putting out signs for us:

Little kids high fived, boy scouts gave water, old and young hooted, hollered and cheered us on and without that - it really could've been miserable.

My running partner, coach and the greatest friend ever, Angela pulled me through the WHOLE TIME.  She took pictures, motivated me and really has no idea what she did for me.  Not sure I can even put it in words.  THANK GOD that she was with me.  It was the most special experience of my life.  My gratitude is unexplainable.

I ran some of the run with this guy - he's done a marathon in every single state in the country TWICE.  And his total marathons (FULL MARATHONS) are 160!  He was running the full today.

So here I am at the Finish Line.  A day about 3 months ago, this journey started - and here are Angela and I crossing & with our medals.  I'm overwhelmed. 

Thank you for giving me a reason to keep writing, for reading this and for encouraging me to never give up.

PAIN IS TEMPORARY

PRIDE IS FOREVER

Truer words never uttered.  This is just the beginning.

XO

Jen

PS:  I almost forgot!  I did it in time -- under 3:30 - official time not available yet but we came across around 3:20 something!!  

Day 83 - This is it!! OMG!

The big day has arrived.  I'm in a hotel room at the Jersey Shore where Angela and I just toasted our run with Bobby Flay burgers and Sweet Potato Fries...  A fat, protein and carb trifecta of awesomeness which was delicious at the time but has given my, now used to pretty clean eating, a big fat tummy ache.  :)  I'll be fine - just a small reminder that indulgent food generally makes you feel, well, crappy. (No offense Bobby)

I am so excited and so nervous that I'm pretty sure that sleep isn't going to be easy but we have enough power goo, 5 hour energy shots and adrenaline to carry us through more than a few marathons so I'm sure we'll be fine.

So here's my Bib:

Look, they even put my name on it!  Which is very interesting being that I didn't notice anyone else had their names on their bibs -- Maybe it's something they do for first time runners or maybe it's done randomly?  Or maybe they've heard all about that "souper" Jen (lol - I'm soooo kidding.)  In any case, I am very appreciative for my personalized bib, because in my opinion - that's totally fab.

Don't forget, they are streaming the race live at njdiscover.com - maybe you'll find me!  I'm personalized!

See you at the finish line!!

XO

Jen