Two years at my goal weight

This week marks my being at my WW goal for TWO YEARS!

I'm doing a happy dance!

I can't believe it. It's no fluke. I lost the weight and I'm keeping it off. This makes me proud and I'm so grateful that I've been managing this. It's something that I always dreamed of being able to do and even though this has all become a "way of life" for me, the significance in this achievement is profoundly important to me.

And I'm happy because my weight is back in control to around 145.2 (It was up to 150 a month or so ago. 150 is my goal but i like to stick around 144/145).

I've always been a yo-yo person… I was either piling on massive amounts of weight or peeling it off. It's how I've lived my entire adult life prior. Not on purpose, of course. I just never could get it right. I was missing pieces of the puzzle in prior attempts.

Of-course a huge piece of that puzzle was consistent exercise and more specifically in my case, running.

And another piece of the puzzle was eating primarily junky-foods. And when I say junky-foods I'm not even talking about the usual suspects of fast food, ice cream or chips. No. I'm talking about the junky foods that I thought "were good for me." All through my prior dieting life I lived on highly-processed foods that used words like "diet," "low-fat" "fat-free." I would count the calories in instant mashed potatoes, 100 calorie packs, frozen low-cal meals, fat-free pudding, fat free chips, 0-calorie butter spray, artificial sweeteners, "sandwich thins," etc… I lived on packaged, processed junk and I thought I was being a healthy person by doing so. I truly think that what has made the difference in maintaining my loss this time around is eliminating almost all of that. I really enjoy eating more clean and much less processed.

And I'm not judging. If you rely on a frozen meal here and there or eat sandwich thins, that's fine. I just almost exclusively used those products. Personally, for me, I'm more satisfied and less hungry by eating whole foods and healthy fats.

Huh. Healthy eating and exercise works. Who knew?  ;)

I am happier, I feel better, and I'm more satiated. I strive to eat clean now-a-days though I am not always perfect. I will still eat chips on occasion, I will still have a little ice-cream, I love my martini's and Greek food Saturday nights… but I have been able to balance things better overall.

On a side note, lately many people have asked me about the difference between Spark People and WW since I talk about both programs a lot. I have been counting calories at Spark. My WW meeting was an anchor for me when I was losing because I loved the people in my particular meeting. I had a connection to my leader. I am social so I liked looking forward to going to my meeting on Sat. morning. It's kind of why I love my Moms In Motion group so much. I continue to weigh-in at Weight Watchers because it's free for lifetime members and knowing I've got that monthly meeting with the "official" scale has been working for me, so why now?

Spark People, though, is GREAT too. It's FREE for everyone which is the biggest plus over Weight Watchers - it has a tremendous social aspect to it and amazing resources. I kind of consider it the "Facebook" of nutrition because you get all this great nutrition/activity information but you can blog, post pictures, join groups, take challenges, send each other motivational stuff and make friends like FB. I was a Spark member as I did Weight Watchers - there are even Weight Watcher community groups on Spark. To me, it's all about support and surrounding yourself with the right people. So wherever you find those folks, is what matters the most.

I am happy, lucky and blessed. I'll never stop marveling on my good fortune of finding running and along the way, finding my way to this finish line.

XO
Jen

I'm getting fat

credit

I'm getting fat.

OK that's a little bit dramatic but that's how my brain works. And that statement keeps rolling around in my head like a bowling ball bouncing off bumpers... and with those words a slow panic keeps threatening to rise, and other even scarier thoughts of plus-sizes, pigging out, depression and being out of control start their way drifting in too.

Even though I'm getting better at silencing those thoughts and shutting up those voices. It's still hard.

I've been a bit in denial, but, it's true, I'm up in weight. Not terribly so, but still.

I could feel it in the waist of my pants.

See it on my hips and belly.

Felt it as I huffed and puffed a previous run (which felt like it should've been a 9'45 pace or so but was only a 10'20).

And finally had it confirmed on the scale.

I've been drifting upwards for the last 3 months. A pound here. A pound there. Now I'm just shy of being up five pounds.

I hear scoffing and eye rolling happening all over the place but before you give me the, "it's only five pounds" speech, let me tell you this -- as a former yo-yo dieter, all of my previous "regaining of the weight" (and when I talk about regaining weight I have regained 30, 40, 60+ pounds in my life) started with just five pounds.

I'm on right - at my heaviest... 

Ironically, I've never eaten more lean and clean in my life. I'm eating a mostly plant and grain based diet, I eat mostly organic and pretty healthily. I don't snack on junk anymore, however, I'm (apparently) eating too much. Easy to do. I can over-do an avocado, eat one too many handfuls of nuts, enjoy a mid-week glass of wine or just take in too many calories with the best of them.

But here is what is different this time. I am going to silence those voices of failure because now I know that I won't fail this time. And I don't hesitate for one hot second to say that.

I just have to go back to the tool box.

Yes. I have tools. Tools like exercising, this blog, fellow friends and fellow bloggers for support. I have Etools from Weight Watchers and I'm going to use that as well as my journal and the community at Spark People.  I might make time for a WW meeting again. I always loved the support I found there and relied heavily on them for most of my weight loss journey. I've only stopped going regularly because I started running with the Moms In Motion on Saturday mornings (during my meeting time) so maybe I just have to find another meeting.

I'm still within goal at Weight Watchers and that is good. My WW goal weight is 150. My personal goal is 144 and I'm now sitting at 148.6. Again, I know the number might not be that scary to you but it scares the shit out of me.

But this time I'm not going to let five pounds become more. I will keep my head out of the sand and my eyes on the prize.

Besides, I have to keep my weight down if I want to do a triathlon. Those wetsuits are pretty tight!

Does weight gain freak you out? What's the biggest tool you use to keep things in check?

XO
Jen