Wednesday, July 24, 2013

My First Tri: Final Thoughts, Lessons and Being Mental

The very awesome Moms In Motion Tri finishers! 

Thank you for coming on this journey with me.

In case you haven't read my swim, bike, run reports, spoiler alert, I made it! :)

Looking back now I am extremely grateful for the love and support of the Moms In Motion and especially our coach, Dana. Words can't explain how much it means to me to have these women and this group in my life. It's such a blessing.



The Tri sports:


The swim.  I was baffled why I had such a tough time in the water. I've done the distance before and beyond. My swim training is usually 20 - 40 mins and I was only in the water 13:30. The week before I practiced for a half of mile in a bottomless lake!

But I think I know where the "OMG" came from:

#1. I didn't factor in race day nerves
#2. Even though my plan was to stay slow I think I still probably started a wee bit fast in an effort to at least keep up with the 'slowest' woman who still was too fast for me.
#3. I was waaaaaay over far left from the buoy's I think I actually made my swim harder.
#4. The next wave catching up to me freaked me out. All of a sudden there were all these very fast arms and legs and I was startled. I never expected that was going to happen and assumed the waves would be further apart.
#5. Between feeling so behind my group, the waves behind me catching up, and the lifeguards yelling "keep an eye on the blue cap" I spiraled into insecurity and feeling very out of my league. It really messed with my head. All of a sudden I doubted my training and felt embarrassed and like I was failing. The voices in my head is the thing I'll have to fix the most. I should've just stayed focused on what my goal was, stuck to my pace and found a positive mantra.
#6. I couldn't see - it was bright and spotting was just hard. I don't think my glasses were foggy but maybe spotty on the outside or something. I just felt confused looking up but that could've also just been the circumstance.
#7. The only other time I did open-water lake swims was with a wetsuit perhaps that played a factor?

The Bike.  I still have to figure out seat height, getting to my water bottle, possibly adjusting my handlebars and probably nutrition. Thank goodness it wasn't as hot as it had been because then, not reaching my water could've been a serious problem. My feet got a little cramped up on the ride and my knees are still sore.  All in all I think it's basically a matter of practice, getting stronger and continuing to ride.

The Run. I have to do speed work and get back to running more. I've let my running slip a bit because I take for granted that I can run a 5K and have been more focused on learning and gaining confidence in the other two sports - also, I guess if part of the race is on a trail, it couldn't hurt to train once or twice on a trail.

Transitions.  Dana helped me really lay all my stuff out right so I could just grab and grow. She suggested I have some water in a bottle available to help rinse the dirt off my feet before having to put my shoes and socks on  - genius suggestion. I am sure there are faster ways to transition but I was content to not rush too quickly through it just to have a second to catch my breath - of course, even while not rushing, I forgot my running hat anyway. :-) Suggestion: get there earlier if you are new so you can make sure to have enough time to properly rack your bike and lay your stuff out. Don't forget that you'll have to leave your shoes behind so if you very tender feet and don't feel like going bare foot to the water, bring a pair of $.99 flip flops with you.



Mentally:  I've received tons of support and well wishes from friends and family on this newest challenge and I know that I'm blessed. Really blessed. Still, I can't help but to feel disappointed in my times. I've gained some weight and it's been a real uphill battle and back-and-forth to get it back under control and it's freaking me out. If I was thinner I'd be fitter and faster.

Unfortunately (and thanks to revealing Tri clothes!) The "fat girl in my head" was in full-swing that day. I felt like "the fat girl" struggling in the water, and the last "fat girl" on the bike and the "fat girl" who is running the slowest 5K ever. I can see the fat girl coming back in my pictures - and I'm afraid that she will catch me. I know it's wrong and rationally I know what I need to do to take off the few pounds before they turn back to 100 pounds. Why do I struggle to be content with who I am at this moment? I've got to learn to not look back and not look forward but to love myself for who I am right now - even at 8 pounds over goal and 9 minutes slower on my 5K run.

I can't let this shit get into my head especially during a race!!

YES!
I have to remember to Race your own Race which is easier said that done. I know I shouldn't look sideways but finishing at the bottom of the pack still makes me feel like getting picked last in gym. I have to fight these emotional demons of doubt and feeling inadequate. I'm good enough and better than I was a few years ago when I was smoking cigarettes, eating pizza by the pie-full and sitting on my ass.  I am healthy and I have been successful in continuing a healthy lifestyle for more than 3 years now. That counts for something.

You know what? First one to finish or last… I earned this and no one can take that away - not even the mean girls in my head.

My truck just got a little fancier
Just writing about it is making me feel better already. For now it's still my battle to fight. I'm sorry to wrap this race report series up with this but it's part of my journey and it would feel dishonest to not be candid about some of the dark moments I have.

Even with all the negative chatter in my head, I am thrilled that I did this. I am proud of my accomplishment. It was a truly great day. I am excited to learn more, grow and get another shot at Triathlon in the IronGirl event in September and it will be awesome to see a few more MIMs cross their first triathlon finish lines too!!!

XO
Jen

14 comments:

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

Your 5k was 9 minutes slower after that swim and bike, no? That's understandable!! Those were definitely not fresh legs, lady! I think you did a fantastic job just going out and trying, let alone finishing the swim, getting on your bike, drinking no water, then taking off on your run without your hat! Hi-fives, you!!

nikki said...

congrats to you on this awesome race!!! you're great, jen!!! and you shoudl be so proud! xo

Lori said...

Congrats! A tri is not easy, so you should be very proud of yourself for finishing! And if your knees are bothering you from the bike, your seat is still not at the right height - that shouldn't be happening.

Life After Heels said...

Congrats on your accomplishments. I can relate, I have a fat girl inside my head too.. No matter how hard I try she is always there.

Mary Sue said...

Don't let the mean girls in your head get to you! Whether you land on the podium or cross the finish line last, you still got out there and did something that the majority of people are afraid to even try. Congratulations! You should be very proud of your accomplishment.

Unknown said...

Congrats on your accomplishment. You have such a great support group and that will gradually overpower the thoughts and motions that you go through.

Running With The Girls said...

congratulations! that is so awesome! I'm quite impressed you taking on your first tri! something I haven't been able to do just yet.

Colleen said...

Live and love this great accomplishment and tell that "itty bitty shitty committee" in your head to take their party somewhere else! You are not bringing any cake to their party and want them outta there!

Julie said...

Tell the mean girl in your head to stick a sock in it!! You are absolutely AWESOME and I truly hope you see how much more kick-ass you are for TRI-ing! ;-)

Shelley said...

I really appreciate your honest recap - so many bloggers seem to imply that doing a triathlon is a breeze, when in reality, it's freaking HARD!!! You should be very proud of yourself.

Heather said...

The "mean girl" is still in my head too. I did my first sprint duathlon and came in last, but placed 2nd in my age group (there were only 2 of us). My friends were so excited about me placing in my age group, all I seemed to focus on was coming in last. Mind you I also stopped to help someone change a tire, but I knew I was last on the course, with no hope of being anything else. It doesn't help that after the race my friend kept telling me how slow she was on the course, and I was way behind her the entire time. If she is slow, what am I. I know I have come a long way, fought through lots of injuries and am very grateful for what I have accomplished, but some days it is just hard. Thanks for posting this so I know I am not alone.

Lorenda said...

Congratulations!! You did great! Don't think of it as a race against other people but as a celebration of your health and fitness.

Lorenda said...

I also wanted to say that I love that car sticker! I've never seen one with the colors.

Big Daddy Diesel said...

First, welcome to the club, triathlete, like you said, you earned that title and no one can take it away from you

What you experienced in the water is normal for a first race. I remember my first tri and how horrible the swim was and how I wanted to quit.

Yes, Rave your own race, your right, it is easier said than done. In my experience, it comes with experience. You have to learn to let go of what everyone else is doing and focus on yourself and your goals. It doesnt matter if you cross the line first or last, everyone gets the exact same finisher medal.