Sunday, April 6, 2014

Dealing with Scale Fail

I know I haven't been the best blogger ever lately and I'm sorry about that. I've been struggling with a few things and just haven't known where to start.

Coming off the very exciting Runner's World thing I am feeling a little conflicted.  I am proud of the accomplishments that I have had and the magazine experience was awesome. It was so cool to see my picture and story in my favorite magazine.  I am proud that I've mostly kept the weight off since 2010 and I'm proud of my journey - but what's making me feel so conflicted is some weight gain. It's been happening it's kind of panicking me.

I am 15 pounds higher than my lowest weight, 10 pounds over my Weight Watcher goal weight and 6 pounds over the weight that I was in the RW article and it really is scaring the crap out of me. Up until a few months ago I had been able to "hold between 147 - 151" and I was OK with that but now I find myself flirting with 160 and it's freaking me out.  Over the last few months I can't seem to hold steady and the scale continues to creep up. I'll have a week where I will "buckle down" and shed a pound or two, only to be away from home on business again or thrown off track the next week and back up again. I know I'm eating a little more, having another drink here and there and not maybe running quite as much as I had been in years past. (A tough winter and being on the road to film the show has definitely made things more challenging. And perhaps being closer to 42 years old rather than 38 or 39 when my weight loss was happening isn't helping either?) 

And I'm not freaking out because of the 160 number per se. I don't mean to insinuate that number means someone is fat or not. When I was 255 I enthusiastically rooted for the day that I'd be 180. Yes, clothing feels tight and I'd rather be 150 but I'm not completely miserable at 160. My fear is that the upward spiral will continue, that this is a runaway train headed back to a place I don't want to visit. 

trying to keep this in mind on days where I'm beating myself up

It is annoying. I thought I had this shit conquered. I vowed not to be a "gain back the weight" statistic. And while it's not 100 pounds back, and it's not too much percentage wise, it's really enough to get me feeling yucky about it. It's a daily, constant unease that I can't shake. 

On top of it because of the magazine, I'm getting emails from people looking for inspiration and I feel completely like a fraud. How can I espouse advice when my running pants waist band digs into my belly and with every pound gained my running pace gets slower? 

Interestingly right after the magazine article came out I went on Twitter and discovered that I had THREE twitter impostors!! Three strangers out there created profiles, using my name, my picture and even my "twitter bio description"! It was weird because I don't have the hugest blog following (though the quality of those of you who do follow is stellar ;) ) and I couldn't understand why I would have people posing accounts as me. 

one of the fake twitter people (even stole my wall paper)
My actual twitter account is:

For a brief moment it struck me ironic because while these people were trying to pose as me, some weight loss success story, I was struggling with feeling like an impostor myself. 

But I don't want to feel like that anymore and I need to stop the weight gain train so I have to figure it out and get it together. 

I do have some ideas for getting back on track and I'll be employing them - nothing fancy - eating cleaner, drinking less alcohol, exercising more, the usual. I will not give-up without a fight. I guess my bigger issue to tackle (even bigger than the weight) is how horribly I'm letting it mess with my head. I have to admit I'm more worried and preoccupied with it than I should be. I definitely am falling into the trap of letting it get under my skin and that's not good. This is contrary to the advice I would give someone else. 

So here's the advice I would give to someone in my shoes:

1. Leave no mile behind. Whether it's an hour or ten minutes get some kind of daily activity in.
2. Eat as clean and lean as possible and eat smartly so you never get to the point of 'starving.'
3. Drink lots of water. 
4. Add strength training.
5. "Track points" or count calories - not to be obsessive but to have an idea of how much you are eating and where your calories come from and if there's someplace you can cut unnecessary calories.
6. Surround yourself with 'birds of a feather' to keep motivation up and for reliable support when you need it.
7. Set goals that force you to move forward and challenge you.
8. Strive for good health always - nourish your body.
9. Cook it at home! Don't order out or eat out more than once or twice a week. (If possible.) 
10. Limit alcohol and empty snacks. Make your snacks meaningful - fruits, veggies, nuts, foods that nourish.

Yep. I'm not reinventing the wheel here people - mostly simple advice that's not so simple to always follow but I'm going to try! 

By the way, even in the face of the annoying gain I've got things to celebrate - I've signed up for a few Triathlons, joined a tri-club, I'm getting ready for another half marathon in a few weeks (did 8 miles today!) And while I may be a little slower I'm still a runner no matter what size pants I'm in. 

How are you doing? What advice would you give someone in my shoes? 



Lostandfound1989 said...

Its nice to hear someone who is real with their struggles. I am trying to lose weight with weight watchers and I have not been very consistent this week. Its inspiring to hear that even though you have had success you still struggle sometimes. Thanks for being real, honest and open with us.

Starr said...

It is soooo hard to keep weight off. My husband lost over 100 lb a few years ago. He kept it off for about 18 months before it started creeping back on, and he's only been able to maintain a 50 lb loss. He worries more about fitness and clean eating than the scale, mainly because he'd be beating himself up otherwise.

Keep fighting the good fight!

Unknown said...

Thank you to you both for your comments. It's very difficult to write these types of posts! So your kindness really helps :)

Unknown said...

I am in the exact same position right now. I am up 20 pounds from my lowest weight. It has slowly crept up with me and I have been half-heartedly fighting it off. But life and its struggles have just seemed to get in the way. I too vowed never to gain the weight back and yet I have. Not the 95 I lost but 20 is still more than enough. I'm definitely tired of my clothes fitting tight and I refuse to buy new ones. Keep fighting!! It happens to the best of us. :)

Unknown said...

Thanks Amy for sharing your own struggle. So frustrating! But going to keep hanging on and working at it too.

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

This winter and my knee has kept me in the house snacking on crap and not moving intensely enough to get the burn running achieves. Since hitting goal in 2011 I'm up 24 pounds. :(

Unknown said...

hugs Linda, I know you've been struggling too. We can do this - with the weather getting better it's time to recharge and start anew. The knee thing is a real bummer though.

Unknown said...

Be kind to yourself. You know what to do. Find the motivation that works for you today. You can do it!

Alicia said...

Being human just makes you more relatable. You will get back on track. No one is perfect and you are still an inspiration.

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Unknown said...

Hey Jennifer- I just read about you in RW magazine and your blog. I started running/walking 5 weeks ago. I started at 308 pounds. I'm know at 282 so I'm excited about the success and the progress so far. It is a constant struggle and with each day I look for inspiration and today your story has done that and then some. Keep up the great work!

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Saniya Patel said...
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