Tuesday, April 23, 2013

In a funk

The last post I put together was pre-flight last Monday on my way back from KY. It was a semi-fun/boring blog post talking about how I ran a few miles in the hills of KY, waved at cows and enjoyed Spring-like temps. I also talked about making my first "tri" purchase - a pair of goggles (actually a three pack) that I picked up at Walmart.

I then went on to say how my heart was swelling with runner's excitement because though I couldn't be there or watch it, The Boston Marathon was going on at that very moment.

I didn't post that blog at that minute because since I wrote it at the airport and the pictures couldn't load, I figured I'd just post it that night when I got home.

As I landed in Philly and hurried for my next flight the texts started to come in - "OMG are you OK?" "You weren't running were you?" "Are you in Boston or NJ?"

Clearly, this was from non-running friends because every person on the planet would know I was running Boston if I was. But you know.  Anyway, I had no idea what this barrage was all about until my friend spilled the gruesome and unbelievable news via this text message: "They bombed the Boston Marathon."

What? They what? Speechless is an understatement. Horror and then fear as I worried for my friends who were actually running it. I had to board my next flight and I had no information.

I don't have to tell you what happened next. I got home and have felt nothing less than shaken by this since - as all of us runners have.

I was slammed with work but made the time to run one mile on Tuesday for the people of Boston.

And then I started my downward spiral into the worse case of the flu I've ever had. It has knocked me on my ass. I'm not even motivated to eat and even in my darkest hour I can muster up an appetite.

So I've had this awful chest and flu thing forever now. I haven't run since that one mile. I can't shake Boston, I can't shake this flu. I feel weak and depressed and just want to run because when I feel yucky that is what I do but now I've got no place to go with this yucky-ness because up until today I couldn't even get my head off the pillow, never mind my feet in a pair of sneakers.

I'm sorry to whine and I feel guilty for my funk. I have the flu, eventually I will run again. I wasn't in Boston. I have all my limbs, I am shaken but won't feel the post traumatic stress that some who ran that day might.

Anyway, sorry for the poor me fest. I wanted to update you in case you were wondering where I've been.

Hopefully I'll be back soon.



Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

You're allowed to feel shitty since you're sick! But add the tragedy in Boston to that feeling and I'm sure you're feeling lost in the abyss. You've been doing so much, burning the candle at both ends, as "they" say, and your body said "whoah Nelly!" Take it easy and let everyone take care of you for a change. This, too, shall pass. <3!

nikki said...

your sneakers will always be there waiting for you when you are ready. you shall weather this storm as you've done in the past. you rock, jen the runner! xo