Count down to Iron Girl race day and some thoughts on triathlon

In exactly one week I will be competing in the Iron Girl Triathlon!

The decision to go for my first triathlon was a scary one at first but it has been immensely rewarding. I've really loved learning to swim and bike ride again.

Jen from the documentary on the left running to the finish with her family
I am dead center looking all official with the camera filming the moment for the documentary 

I am really getting into the sport and while in Maine last week to film and watch friends Jen and Angela participate in Rev3 Orchard Beach I got to swim in the ocean for pretty much the first time. It was FREEZING but I was also proud that I didn't drown and that gave me some confidence. We were lucky because while cold, there weren't any real waves and the water was calm. I'm sure if my first time in the ocean was rockier it wouldn't have been such a good experience, so I'll count my blessings. 

It was incredibly inspiring to watch the Rev3 Triathlon again. It is an Olympic and Half distance race. It was exciting to watch everyone give such effort and it was a beautiful day.

I was so proud of my friend Angela who did her first OLY distance and she was one of the only people in the race to do the run in a tutu! 

I love this picture of Angela. It is so her!

The big downside to Triathlon is that it's expensive and there really is no way around that. 

I'm lucky because I got a hand-me-down wetsuit (thanks Ang!) and I borrowed a bike for the summer from a friend (Thanks Rox!) but if you want to get seriously into the sport it will run you.

Even my borrowed hybrid bike has cost me a pretty penny. I had to put new gears on it and have it tuned up, I invested in a bike rack, bike pump, bike chain and other little bike accessories. And now I'm getting knee pain and I will have to pay about $65 hour to get it properly fit. The knee aches only last thru the day after riding and then it goes away. I might suck it up for the race (it's only a ten mile ride) and then decide if I'll fit it or not. I have to talk to Rox, the girl who lent it to me. If she's in no hurry to get it back then I'll fit it. If she wants it back then I'll wait until I get my own bike. 

Still, even with the expense and pain in the knees, triathlon training is fun. I like mixing up my workouts and not just running. 

With Iron Girl right around the corner I'm feeling excited and a little nervous. I'm mostly nervous about the swim I mean who could forget my first Tri water experience just a few weeks ago?

I am blue cap in the middle with the look of, "OMG, Help me."

And what scares me (just a bit) my first tri was in a lake and not the bay. AND the distance was half of what I'll need to conquer for Iron Girl. 

I think the bike and run will be OK if I don't run into anything too unexpected like mechanical issues or something.

I won't be allowed to run with music which will be interesting - I definitely enjoy my runs with music! 

XO

Jen

Off to Maine and watch my new show on DIY Network!

I've been training for my Tri and getting thru summer.

I got my labs back from my doctor and I'm very healthy. No issues at all. So why I can't seem to lose weight remains a mystery. Oh well.

I'm getting ready to head up to Maine to root on Jen from Miles, Muscles and Mommyhood in her hometown Rev3 race and my dear friend and biz partner Angela to Triathlon victory!

I am sure I'm going to be very jealous that I'm not participating. Perhaps something to aim for next year.

In the meantime - remember all those blog posts about going to Kentucky? Well I have big news!! This week the series premiere of the television show I've been working on premieres!! It's called LogHeads and it will air on DIY Network on Aug. 22 at 10 PM and repeat Aug. 24th at 11 PM! Please check it out!

I hope you have DIY and I hope you'll check it out!

XO

Jen 

An "Epic Training Week"

Last week I worked my ass off:

I mean - pretty impressive don't you think? I ran/biked those 11 on M - the rest of the week was running (and some swimming/weight training that didn't show up in mileage) and Sunday's 16 was an uphill mountain bike ride followed by open-water swimming in the lake and return on bike down mountain. (More about that in a minute)

I burned 3729 calories, counted all of my calories and gained 3 pounds since the 152 weigh-in of last week. Swell. 

Something has to be wrong. And no it's not muscle unless muscle makes your belly bigger and your pants tight. I went to the doctor last Thursday and she ran a bunch of tests. My medical degree from Google and her expertise both suspect I might have a thyroid issue. We shall see. My self-diagnosises have been wrong in the past but there's got to be a reason my body refuses to lose (and continue to gain) weight. 

Anyway, enough about my fat ass weight. Back to highlights in training.

First, I've done more running than I have in a week, in a long time. My five miles on Saturday was not only at a pace I was pleased with but also done in the rain. I know some of you love running in the rain, I've just always assumed this would not be my thing and have avoided it. I wanted to do five though and I didn't want to do them on a treadmill so I sucked it up. 

I was prepared to hate it but I didn't. I really liked it. I felt cool (in both meanings of the word - temperature and 'cool' like Fonzie.) I loved that there were hardly anybody in the park - I owned the place (aside from a few other runners) and it made me feel very accomplished.

On Sunday, the Moms In Motion (MIMs) decided to head back up to Lake Welch to get in a good bike/swim training. Well. I was told it was a hilly bike but boy, it was the hardest thing ever. 

Heather-me-Dee-Shiela-Allison-Beth-Tracy-Monica
Moms ready for motion!

Pretty much you bike up a mountain for seven and a half miles to the lake. I was cursing like a crazy person. My exact words at one point were, "This is some bullshit, who does this?" The other bitches ;) MIMs did a better job sucking it up and most of them had done it before so they knew what to expect, they kept telling me it would get better. They lied. Every brief reprieve brought just another climb around the corner. I thought this ride would never end. Plus we were carrying wetsuits and crap in backpacks on our back since we were also swimming. I think it was pretty and scenic but I wouldn't have known because I was too busy trying not to die or exhaustion. It was like a spin class on crack with no way out.

Monica and Dee Dee in far better spirits than me at this point! 1/2 way up

all the MIMs with Rox in the center and Kerry joining far right :)

But then we made it to the lake and all was well. YAY! Water will feel good on these tired legs! BOO! We have to actually work out now! Ha. And we're the only nuts at the lake working out. Everyone else there were families frolicking in the sun and barbecuing. Not us. We donned our wet suits and ran into the lake ready to conquer! (Although I was very tempted to make friends with beach-goers and grab a burger and a beer… but refrained.)

Lake Welch! We made it!

We swam for 25 minutes or so and then decided it was time to head back. We still faced a few little hills but the ride back was way better. It took us an hour to get up to the lake and 37 minutes to get back down if that tells you anything!

View from the top

So I bitched, moaned and hated life for how hard it was at the time but afterwards, I fist pumped and smiled my exhausted accomplishment all the way home. I might even do that again. ;-)

Everyone was awesome - Rox (a strong biker) for being the "momma" who trailed us to  make sure we'd all be safe, Tracy who saved me from having to bike back in a wet bathing suit and had an extra sports bra with her (score!) Heather who kept lying to me and telling me that it was gonna get better and then reminded me that she almost cried her first time up that hill! Sheila for keeping track of our water times and reassuring me that we'd make it, the "Sisters" for their positive attitudes, Dee-Dee for looking forward to this blog post (hope it delivers) and Monica for reminding me how great we'd feel at the end even if we were hating it at the moment. Monica was totally right.  Oh and it was nice seeing fellow MIM Kerry out there - she is more advanced than us and had been out there for a while - she caught up to us and made biking up hill look easy! She give me something to aspire to. :)

As I drove up the mountain on my way home, I caught some bikers having to walk their bikes up the mountain. I was feeling their pain but proud of us MIMs for never having to get off and walk - we did it. 

IronGirl is a nice flat 10 mile course. Being able to conquer this thing gives me confidence for the bike portion for sure!

How are you doing with your training? What crazy hard accomplishment have to pulled off recently?

XO

Jen

PS: I stole these pictures from fellow MIMs Rox and Tracy because I'm a bad blogger and didn't think to bring my iPhone. Thanks girls!! xo 

Don't give up so easily

As I hinted in my race report, I've been having a tough time lately. I struggle with bouts of depression and I've been muddled in a mild bout for the past few weeks. It's been tough. I remind myself of all the blessings I have and try to remain as positive as possible but it's hard. When I go through these bouts it's literally like having a grey cloud sitting on my head. There's a dull ache in my head, a dullness to everything and just a general, overall, yuck. I hate it. But it's part of my life and I do my best to deal. I know it will pass and I no longer dive my feelings into food. I do find relief in exercise, especially running and running so hard I'm gasping and sweating and hurting. That really helps a lot. 

In addition to feeling a little blue it's been a challenging summer. I have felt overwhelmed personally and then there is my weight.

My happy "perfect" weight is about 145 - my I'm OK weight is 148, my "this is it" weight is 150. I have to officially be 152 to "be free" at Weight Watchers as 150 is my goal and you have two pounds of wiggle room.  So 152 and over is my "Oh shit" weight. 

I have not paid for Weight Watchers since 2010.

Today I had to pay. Oh shit.

I probably hit about 155 but the last few weeks I've worked my ass off to try to fix that. I have counted every point, I've cut out most treats, I have run harder and longer, I have added more workouts, I've done a lot and the scale isn't really moving. I thought I got it down enough to at least hit 152 for free WW.

But I didn't. I was 152.4 -- I missed the boat by .4

And I about lost my shit. I had to seriously work hard not to cry on the scale - which is absolutely ridiculous. I didn't cry on the damn scale when I was 250 pounds. I didn't cry on my WW journey when the scale went the wrong way. (OK I might've complained but I didn't cry.) 

I feel strong and healthy. I don't even hate my body or how I look. Getting this upset and obsessed is not my usual thing. What gives?

I lost it because in all the chaos I've been going through and the bad feeling of late I really needed the small victory of feeling in control of something. And I wanted desperately to be able to say - "it might all be falling to crap but I've got this thing!" But I didn't. And it really punched me in the gut. 

Not to mention that in the back of my "fat girl" mind I'm always worried about the slippery slope - the fear that a few pounds will somehow come back as a hundred.

Well. 

I went home, took a shower, put on some lipgloss and headed to NYC for a big meeting today.

I decided that it was OK to be up in weight. To be overwhelmed, to not necessarily have it all together. I'm doing the best I can at any given moment and that has to be good enough for me. 

I kind of got serious with myself. 152? REALLY. This is what is going to make you come undone? I mean talk about being silly. I decided to truly count my blessings. I'm such a lucky girl. I can't let the depression, the weight, the black cloud and mean girl voices rob me of my happiness. It's always going to be a challenge but I have to battle back. I can't give up. 

And on the way to the city the clouds began to lift and the sun began to come out. I started to feel better. 

I had a great meeting. Things were starting to turn in my favor. And then I got to the subway platform  for my return home, in time to see the doors to my train close. I had just missed it. My face must've said it all, as I thought, "Shit. Of course a day late and a dollar short again."

The conductor saw me and said, "Are you getting on this train?" I said "yes." And he opened the doors for me! If you've ever ridden a NYC subway, you know they do not do this. They do not reopen the doors once closed. I felt lucky.

He then came into the car and double checked that I was on the right train. I said thank you and he said, "Hey, no problem. You know, you shouldn't give up so easily."

I know this all sounds like it's straight out of some corny movie or episode of GIRLS - this stuff really doesn't happen but it happened to me. On this day of days that I needed to hear it the most. His words resonated with me.

He's right. I mean talk about the ultimate cliche. A door closed but another one opened. You just can't give up so easily.

XO

Jen

Armpocket giveaway winner!

At long last (and thanks for bearing with me - I know I'm two weeks late with this is:)

Courtney!

Here was your post:

Courtney, get back to me with your mailing address and look at the website for sizing within the next two weeks and we will hook you up!

Congrats!!

Jen

My First Tri: Final Thoughts, Lessons and Being Mental

The very awesome Moms In Motion Tri finishers! 

Thank you for coming on this journey with me.

In case you haven't read my swim, bike, run reports, spoiler alert, I made it! :)

Looking back now I am extremely grateful for the love and support of the Moms In Motion and especially our coach, Dana. Words can't explain how much it means to me to have these women and this group in my life. It's such a blessing.

The Tri sports:


The swim.  I was baffled why I had such a tough time in the water. I've done the distance before and beyond. My swim training is usually 20 - 40 mins and I was only in the water 13:30. The week before I practiced for a half of mile in a bottomless lake!

But I think I know where the "OMG" came from:

#1. I didn't factor in race day nerves
#2. Even though my plan was to stay slow I think I still probably started a wee bit fast in an effort to at least keep up with the 'slowest' woman who still was too fast for me.
#3. I was waaaaaay over far left from the buoy's I think I actually made my swim harder.
#4. The next wave catching up to me freaked me out. All of a sudden there were all these very fast arms and legs and I was startled. I never expected that was going to happen and assumed the waves would be further apart.
#5. Between feeling so behind my group, the waves behind me catching up, and the lifeguards yelling "keep an eye on the blue cap" I spiraled into insecurity and feeling very out of my league. It really messed with my head. All of a sudden I doubted my training and felt embarrassed and like I was failing. The voices in my head is the thing I'll have to fix the most. I should've just stayed focused on what my goal was, stuck to my pace and found a positive mantra.
#6. I couldn't see - it was bright and spotting was just hard. I don't think my glasses were foggy but maybe spotty on the outside or something. I just felt confused looking up but that could've also just been the circumstance.
#7. The only other time I did open-water lake swims was with a wetsuit perhaps that played a factor?

The Bike.  I still have to figure out seat height, getting to my water bottle, possibly adjusting my handlebars and probably nutrition. Thank goodness it wasn't as hot as it had been because then, not reaching my water could've been a serious problem. My feet got a little cramped up on the ride and my knees are still sore.  All in all I think it's basically a matter of practice, getting stronger and continuing to ride.

The Run. I have to do speed work and get back to running more. I've let my running slip a bit because I take for granted that I can run a 5K and have been more focused on learning and gaining confidence in the other two sports - also, I guess if part of the race is on a trail, it couldn't hurt to train once or twice on a trail.

Transitions.  Dana helped me really lay all my stuff out right so I could just grab and grow. She suggested I have some water in a bottle available to help rinse the dirt off my feet before having to put my shoes and socks on  - genius suggestion. I am sure there are faster ways to transition but I was content to not rush too quickly through it just to have a second to catch my breath - of course, even while not rushing, I forgot my running hat anyway. :-) Suggestion: get there earlier if you are new so you can make sure to have enough time to properly rack your bike and lay your stuff out. Don't forget that you'll have to leave your shoes behind so if you very tender feet and don't feel like going bare foot to the water, bring a pair of $.99 flip flops with you.

Mentally:  I've received tons of support and well wishes from friends and family on this newest challenge and I know that I'm blessed. Really blessed. Still, I can't help but to feel disappointed in my times. I've gained some weight and it's been a real uphill battle and back-and-forth to get it back under control and it's freaking me out. If I was thinner I'd be fitter and faster.

Unfortunately (and thanks to revealing Tri clothes!) The "fat girl in my head" was in full-swing that day. I felt like "the fat girl" struggling in the water, and the last "fat girl" on the bike and the "fat girl" who is running the slowest 5K ever. I can see the fat girl coming back in my pictures - and I'm afraid that she will catch me. I know it's wrong and rationally I know what I need to do to take off the few pounds before they turn back to 100 pounds. Why do I struggle to be content with who I am at this moment? I've got to learn to not look back and not look forward but to love myself for who I am right now - even at 8 pounds over goal and 9 minutes slower on my 5K run.

I can't let this shit get into my head especially during a race!!

YES!

I have to remember to Race your own Race which is easier said that done. I know I shouldn't look sideways but finishing at the bottom of the pack still makes me feel like getting picked last in gym. I have to fight these emotional demons of doubt and feeling inadequate. I'm good enough and better than I was a few years ago when I was smoking cigarettes, eating pizza by the pie-full and sitting on my ass.  I am healthy and I have been successful in continuing a healthy lifestyle for more than 3 years now. That counts for something.

You know what? First one to finish or last… I earned this and no one can take that away - not even the mean girls in my head.

My truck just got a little fancier

Just writing about it is making me feel better already. For now it's still my battle to fight. I'm sorry to wrap this race report series up with this but it's part of my journey and it would feel dishonest to not be candid about some of the dark moments I have.

Even with all the negative chatter in my head, I am thrilled that I did this. I am proud of my accomplishment. It was a truly great day. I am excited to learn more, grow and get another shot at Triathlon in the IronGirl event in September and it will be awesome to see a few more MIMs cross their first triathlon finish lines too!!!

XO
Jen

My first triathlon race recap: THE RUN

Part 3: The Run
Distance: 3.1 miles

Finally I was getting off my bike and getting ready for the run. All I had to do was grab my race belt, my coconut water, and my running cap.

That's it.

Apparently all this tri stuff is making me one forgetful person.

First, I took a swig of coconut water and almost choked to death. My coconut water was accidentally the kind with pulp which I noted in the AM and forgot about until that very moment. OOPS.

Then I started running and realized that I totally forgot my running cap. Boo. Oh well, no time to turn around now. Then what was briefly mentioned on the race forum and also forgotten about was that most of the run was on trail surfaces.

Shit. I've never trail ran before and for good reason. I have always been pretty sure that I would twist an ankle and/or trip and break my ass. I'm quite happy sticking to smooth, flat surfaces. But not today. And not after swimming and biking. So I set out and ran slowly with my eyes glued to the ground.

My goal was simple - run the whole damn 3.1 miles. That's it.

I started running and tried to avoid rocks, roots, twigs and the like. I tried to get used to the feeling of mulch under foot and navigated the best I could. Every so often we'd have a little bit of running on pavement and the 3.1 miles alternated between trail and pavement.

I passed a few walkers and a few run/walkers.

And I got passed twice on the run.

Once by a girl who was 42 years old and once by the 67 year old silver-haired lady who I passed on the bike! Touche, lady. Touche.

(By the way, that lady actually did beat my overall time and later was kind enough to offer to take a picture of me with my medal. She is pictured below)

oops. The 'selfie' way was on when she
was trying to take my picture.  She
got me on the run! 

I was a little tired but I was feeling pretty good on the run. I wasn't cramping and I knew that I was within minutes of my goal - I just had to keep moving forward.

And I did keep moving. And I didn't walk.

I was so excited to round the corner. The only bummer was that the finishing road was not roped off and it was the only way in and out of the area so as I was finishing all the people who had finished before me were on the path, walking their bikes, chatting it up, milling about. I felt like I wasn't even going in the right direction and once again felt a little like the last person to the party. It was like everyone had finished this thing HOURS ago and I was in a race by myself. I felt twinges of embarrassment and disappointment in being so slow - those feeling of inadequacy that I need to find a way to silence - but then I heard my fellow Moms In Motion screaming my name and welcoming me home. They had all waited for me and I could hear their legitimate excitement in seeing me so near the finish and that made me happy. It gave me a little pep in my step and I pumped my arm in the air as I neared the finish line.

Here I come - Coconut water in hand, hat-less and in one piece

Whatever. So I finished 6th from last place. I did it. I swam, biked and ran to the finish line.

The lady did get a nice picture.
Glad she beat me on the run

The bling close up:

A year ago today I ran my fastest 5K:  26:46 (a 8'37 mile) which seems like a dream time for me now because even on my fastest day I'm lucky to break 10'30…

Today I ran a 5K in 35:50 (a 11'33 pace).

But a year ago I wouldn't have dreamed that I'd be doing a triathlon.

Overall I am very happy and although jokingly said on Facebook "Not sure if I loved it or hated it" I can honestly say that I loved it and will be "TRI-ing" again.

Read about the swim here and bike here.

Next up: Final Thoughts and my biggest obstacle.

XO
Jen