Day 25 - 120 days to go -So what? I'm still a rockstar

This was not my most stellar week when it came to healthy moves.  In fact, several awful habits returned in a big way.  Demons I had thought I had killed, came back alive and kicking. 

This week, in my battle of woman vs food, food won.  Kind of.

It was a week of challenges and set backs, but I did learn a few things:

10.  I will always want to turn to food for comfort.   

On the surface, I’ve made huge strides in this.  I no longer have a bad day “at the office” and automatically turn to pizza. This week, however, between the toe injury, still thinking about the move,  missing my son, traveling/being away and just feeling “off,” was a perfect storm for my inner emotional Audrey to cry out, “feed me.”  And I ate.  Knowing this is the monster that will come after me, I just have to figure out ways to be better prepared next time.  

9.  Emotionally eating sucks.  

It really just gets you more bummed out.  Fatty, salty food doesn’t really comfort you and reckless eating just makes you feel blech and out of control, it also becomes a slippery slope of momentum in the wrong direction.

8.  Don't underestimate the power of exercise (or lack of).  

I cried a lot this week and I think it has everything to do with not running  I turned to food to fill the missing gap of endorphins, energy and charge I get from moving – If I ever suffer an injury again I'll need to figure out what I can turn to instead.  I already have plans to find something to do even with the bum toe.  Sitting on a boring stationary bike for 20 mins and doing some upper body at the gym, will make me feel better than doing nothing.

7.  Today is temporary.  

I will get through it.  A bad day or week of eating doesn’t have to define me.  It doesn’t undo all the great strides I’ve made, it doesn’t cancel my half marathon, or even the first step I ever ran.  I’ve done great things.  I’m choosing to celebrate the many, many weeks of awesome rather than put too much into the one week of crapola.  A month from now, I’ll barely remember what I ate in this crappy week, a year from now, I won’t remember it at all.

6.  You need a bad week once in a while to keep you humble and appreciative.  

I thought I was on fire.  I’m a runner and a whole grain choosing, low (but healthy fat), lean protein craving, clean-eating machine!  Mac and cheese – yuck!  Ice cream?  Not me.  Me and Jack La Laine can be juicing buddies!  I’m soooooo healthy!  Well I got knocked right off of my high “food superior “horse.  There was some ugly eating being done.  Processed, white flour, possibly even some trans fat ugliness…  I’m not above it.  I have to respect that I’m a  hobbled skip and a big mac step away from health undoing..  and  never take for granted the hard work it is for me to keep it right.

5.  I have the power over my choices and can stop the downfall at any time.  

I know this, we all know this.  Why I forget this – I don’t know.  Why didn’t I stop the landslide of bad food choices on Monday?  I don’t know.  That’s definitely a fall back to an old bad habit and one that I have to work out.

4.  Prolonged guilt is useless.  

Yes I’m battling this.  I think that guilt over most things is good for a second because it tips you off that something isn’t right with your universe.  But then, GET OVER it.  Guilt should be the number one sign that you have a lesson to learn.  Don’t ignore it  rather acknowledge it, forgive yourself and find the lesson.  Learn, grow and move on.  I’m going to turn this thing into a positive and figure out how to do better next time.

3.  Nine good toes still rock.  

Do you have one bad toe or nine good ones?  It’s kind of funny but totally true.  If you only had 6 good toes, having 9 would be a blessing!  Reframing helps but takes time.  At first you really just want to be bummed but at some point you have to choose to feel better and pull yourself out of the hole.

2.  Make a plan and take action  

I have made a decision that the week ahead is going to be a great one.  I’m going to eat well, exercise, balance my time and get what I need to get accomplished, accomplished.  I’m making my lists and putting it in the universe.

1.  When all else fails...

To quote Pink, “So what?  I’m still a rock star, I’ve got my rock moves, and I don’t need food….”  So nah, nah, nah, nah! (Ok I paraphrased the food part…)  I know what I need to do to succeed.  And even on a bad day I have what it takes.  I just have to remember to always respect my inner rock star.  Rock Stars party like, well, Rock Stars - they shake off the hang over, wipe away the guilt and get out there and rock it, they bring it and make no apologies for the occasional stumble.  

You know what? I take it back.  In this battle of Woman vs Food, food did not win.  I won.  I won because I might’ve had some food this week but FOOD DOES NOT HAVE ME.  

Rock on with your bad self.

XO

Jen

Day 23 - 122 days to go - on the mend

I'm on the mend physically and emotionally.

I haven't been in a good place lately.  The toe thing really undid me.  It wasn't just the physical pain.  Yes it hurt like hell but emotionally it threw me for an unexpected loop.

As you know, there's been a lot of changes for me lately.  While I try to remain upbeat and positive, there are some things that have been tough.  A move from a house to an apartment, a new writing job that requires focus, a company that I'm still committed to making work, the continued struggle to lose weight and keep the running momentum going.

The toe stopped me in my tracks.  The last few days have been harrowing because the doc wrapped it tightly in gauze which promptly adhered to my raw toe.  I soaked it for two days straight and this gauze wouldn't budge from the sore, tender skin.  It was painful and I felt so helpless.  I'm in Los Angeles this week for meetings and I am all sorts of out of sorts.  Tears have been flowing and I've just have felt yucky.  I've been eating too much crap, limping with the dumb injury and have had zero running.

I just couldn't figure out why all the crying.  Sure it hurt but I'm pretty tough.  I'm not a crier over pain, usually.  I pop an advil and deal but this was getting to me in a big, big way and I've felt emotionally fragile all week - it's not been pretty for my poor friends to have to deal with (Thank you Angela!)

I finally got it.  I think.  One, the toe has laid me out.  I'm metaphorically and literally feeling out of control.  I am limited and out of my element - so the stress of it all is magnified times a million for me emotionally, through this physical thing.

Two, I've become very used to literally running away from my problems.  Bad day?  Run it out.  Not only can't I deal with the emotional issues I'm having right now by running but to make matters worse, I'm not getting my adreneline pumping, I'm not getting flooded with those happy endorphins AND I'm comfort eating and feeling crappy about that.  It's really a perfect storm of yuck for someone like me.

I had to finally go to the ER to get the friggen guaze removed.  The doc there fixed me up and the toe and I are on a road to recovery.  I'll be on the run again soon.

XO
Jen

day 21 - 124 days to go -this just sucks

*WARNING:  This blog will contain lots of whining.  You are cordially invited to my pity party.

So it's been a rough few days.  Yesterday I went to the doc to have my toe looked at and it was determined that the nail would have to be removed!

OUCH.  That sucked.

And what sucks more is that it's tender and I can't even get a sock on, never mind a sneaker.  Not to mention that walking kind of hurts.  Running is out for the time being.  Here's a picture of my toe all mummied and bandaged up.  Booo...

Grumbling.

Of-course, I had to travel with bum toe to LA last night - and while here in La-la land, I had images of running along the beach, taking in different paths, feeling fit, and generally just feeling healthy.  Now I'm just (trying not to) feel grumpy.

Pout.  I can't even wear cute shoes to my meetings... WAHHHHH!

Oh well.  Hopefully it'll start to ease soon.

I am trying to count my blessings which are:

-I don't have any big races coming up - this could've happened a day before the 1/2 and I would've been beyond devastated

-I still have nine good toes

-It's late May opposed to mid-January so wearing flip flops, acceptable and practical

-I can hobble around pretty well -- some people get injured and they can't walk

-My hands are still in working order - all fingers are operating perfectly

So there's always the bright side, I guess.

XO

Jen

Day 19 - 126 days to go - running questionable

UGH.

So today I woke up and had a million things to do, I planned on running tomorrow since I had a full plate today.

Fine.

I hustled around and did what I had to.  I wound up doing my errands in flip flops.  I almost never really wear flip flops anymore but today I did.

In my haste, don't ask me how, i somehow got my big toe stuck under a door and slammed my toe around with the door -it hurt like hell and now I have a big toe injury.  I mean it's purple and swollen and I think I did something really funky with the nail under the skin.  Like I jammed the nail up and back.  Yuck.  I can barely put weight on it... and to make matters worse it's super ugly.  It's like fraken-toe.

Of course I travel tomorrow and that's going to be joyous but even more upsetting is the thought of not getting to run tomorrow and what this means for the next few days.

SOOOOO annoying.  Such a dumb injury.  I'm super aggravated.  I am going to find a podiatrist tomorrow to look at it and I'm hoping for the best.

I hate set backs.  My toe might be down but hopefully I won't be out.

Day 18 - 127 days to go - Great Weigh in!

Despite a tough week, it seems just keeping on keeping on worked.  I lost 3 pounds this week and down a total of 70!!

Yay!

In a hurry tell ya more tomorrow!!

xo
Jen

Day 17 - 128 days to go - still lagging but not quitting

I went to the gym today and started off strong, alternating between running a 5.0 -6.0 did great for about the first mile and a half and then got lazy.  Wound up running/walking for about 33 minutes and then called it a day.

Wanted to do more but I am hitting a wall.  Mentally I'm having a hard time getting past 3 miles.  I get bored, hot and tired.  My knees started bothering me from running harder and I just wanted to wrap.'

The upside and good news is, I'm still going.  I've run four times this week when I had no desire to really run at all most of the time.  I haven't waved the flag and I haven't quit.  This is all good news.

I guess it's all about treading water until I'm ready to swim again.

XO
Jen

Day 16 - 129 days to go - running around the new town...

I'm feeling overwhelmed with stuff.  The new NJ.com blogging job is a blast.  It's a gig that's got my name all over it.  Writing, saving money, chit chatting with people about all kinds of stuff when it comes to shopping and deals - bring it on, but, it's a week in which I moved to a new house and I just feel like my plate is starting to over-flow.

Today I ran for about a half hour.  It was nice.  It was probably a little shy of 3 miles and I really need to get motivated for pushing myself a little more.  I feel like I'm copping out on these 20-30 mins runs.  I guess they are better than nothing but not really a good excuse for slacking.  Although, I truly believed my run was longer (and further.)  I got totally faked out.

I run without a watch.  Since this was my first time running around the new town and I kind of lost myself in a maze of neighborhoods - I lost track of time.  It didn't seem like I was out there too long but when I passed a clock in the middle of town and it read 10AM (exactly a half an hour since I had left the house) I believed it.  I figured it took me another 15 mins to get home so I guestimated that I had been running for about 45 mins by the time I got home.  I was wrong.  The clock was broken and I had only run for a 1/2 hour.  C'est la vie.

I'll try again tomorrow.

xo
Jen