I know this is shocking but I'm having trouble finding the words to express what this means to me. I have put in the work, changed the way I eat and run regularly now.
I am no longer that chain smokin, tequila swillin', depressed, "I can't do anything" type person. That girl is long gone.
Oh, I'm no saint - I still sometimes eat too much or have one too many glasses of wine or shots of tequila... I don't always run as far or as fast as I probably can but that's OK. I've been learning how not to beat myself up.
I am not as afraid to fail anymore. I'm more afraid of not trying. (Though I try to make failing not an option as a rule.)
This weight loss journey can truly be compared to a marathon. A long one. It hasn't been easy, there's been many a mile that it seemed I'd never see a finish line. Many a time where the road was long and hard. Many a time I actually had to walk and catch my breath, heal a wound, reassess my approach.
But, I never wanted to quit. At this point with the finish line in sight, I finally have a true understanding of what it means to "enjoy the journey." Every mile has brought a sense of accomplishment and a new lesson learned, every mile I've found both struggle and joy - and I've been lucky to have many people supporting me to get here along the way.
As I ran my "long run" eight miles yesterday, I kept myself motivated by thanking the universe for everything. My feet, my heart, my lungs my legs, my iPod :) All the things that kept that running route attainable yesterday. I kept mentally high-fiving myself, mile by mile, emotional over seeing how far I've come - far enough to be able to run for 8 miles, comfortably, relatively pain free and gratefully. Every day that I'm lucky enough to run is a good day indeed.
And every mile means something.
Today I thank the universe for the gift of this journey - I thank the universe for even giving me those damn 81.8 pounds because without them, I would've never discovered how strong I am, strong enough to be able to move every one of those pounds out of my way.
XO
Jen
No need to put "long run" in quotes, girl... 8 miles IS a long run. I have to talk myself out of saying "just" 5 miles or similar. That's a lot of miles. Own it! What an awesome journey... and just like a marathoner... you continue to set new and higher goals for yourself. So proud to "know" you!!!
ReplyDeleteBRAVO! This is 1 of your best posts yet. I am lovin your inner dialogue. It is amazing what your body will do when you ask nicely :) Keep giving yourself those mental high fives, hey after 81.8lbs/8miles give yourself a physical high five..lol. Sure it looks nuts, but girl you earned it. oxo
ReplyDeleteThanks Lesley -- and I'm so proud to know you!! you're journey is just as amazing :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Nic - and truth be told there were a couple of "physical" high fives - I don't care how nuts I look!! :) xoxo
congrats Jen~I know first hand how difficult the battle can be at times but oh, how sweet it is to be reaching those milestones & goals!!
ReplyDeleteI had to laugh at this line:
I am no longer that chain smokin, tequila swillin', depressed, "I can't do anything" type person. That girl is long gone.
This could be ME! (except replace tequila with beer!) The song "Dead and Gone" by TI has a whole different meaning to me that what the song is actually about. It's about the 180-degree transformation, and not necessarily the physical one but the inside changes with the mind and heart and soul.
You're last paragraph says it to a "T"-stay strong and keep winning the fight!
Thanks Jennifer!
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